Top Five Ways (Almost) Every Music Fan Is a Hypocrite

janes-addiction-at-google.jpg
"Put your phones down, assholes! I want to take a picture!"
Hypocrisy is as essential a part of the human condition as shit and TV reruns. Our capacity for saying one thing and doing another is stupendous: Find a full, unredacted record, and we bet you'd find examples of self-contradiction even in the otherwise pristinely principled life of Ghandi. Even Mother Teresa's rep has been tainted.

Hypocrisy among music fans, while far less consequential, also knows few bounds. We all break the rules of music fandom we claim to support (and often feel empowered to enforce). How? Let us count down the five most common ways you (and us, and her, and everyone else) practice hypocrisy in our daily music-loving lives:

5. You dismiss -- consciously or unconsciously -- entire genres about which you know next-to-nothing (while vociferously defending the ones you love to others who know nothing about them).
Notice how quickly your eyes roll toward the sky the next time you hear someone mutter about chillwave or brostep or country. Then stop to think about how much of any of that you've actually listened to.


4. You slam Pitchfork (or whatever publication) when they give an artist you like a bad review, while defending Pitchfork (or whatever publication) when they give an artist you like a good review.
You know you do it. You can't help it. It's natural. Just own it.

3. You judge other people for their guilty pleasures, while savoring embarrassing music of your own.
Rail against the soul-numbing effects of Katy Perry all you want. We know your karaoke song is still "Party in the U.S.A."

2. You fiddle with your phone a lot and/or talk too loudly during a show, but bitch self-righteously when other people do the same.
God, it's so annoying when people at a show blather drunkenly, block the view with their huge, light-blasting smartphone, and spend the entire night looking down, texting with friends and posting nonsense on Facebook. But damn the lights onstage look really cool right now, and my friend A_____ (who couldn't make the show) would love to see a picture of that. Also, I just thought of the funniest thing to say on Twitter...

1. You download music illegally (or at least used to).
Support artists! Pay for things you like! Buy stuff! Yeah, those are the right things to do. But at least before the days of Spotify and Rdio, being "right" didn't stop you from grabbing what you wanted if it was easily available. Sorry, but we know you didn't pay for all 216GB of music on that external hard drive with the money you made slingin' cappuccinos.


----
Follow us on Twitter @SFAllShookDown, follow Ian S. Port @iPORT, and like us at Facebook.com/SFAllShookDown.

My Voice Nation Help
8 comments
Truseattleite
Truseattleite

Who the fuck is Pitchfork oh and I'm w/ John N Train.....SLAYYYYYER!!!!!!

Accmrazr
Accmrazr

Except going to the show is showing more support than buying the album. The artist only makes about 15% of profits off of album sales, and if it's a band, that is split among the members. I agreed with most of the rest. I stress most.

Shit_NYCers_say
Shit_NYCers_say

Yeah, it is stupid to hate on an entire genre you know nothing about.....its also stupid to group all music fans into a one group and write a shitty article about it...

Al
Al

Who even reads this shit?

Gunther
Gunther

Who writes this shit and why?

rhesus
rhesus

 Wasn't the choice of a Miley Cyrus song as an alternative the point of the hypocrisy?

John N Train
John N Train

You'd think someone writing an article about the hypocrisy in music would take a moment to confirm that "Party in the U.S.A." is NOT Katy Perry but Miley Cyrus. Also, SLAYER!!!

Now Trending

Around The Web

From the Vault

 

Drink

San Francisco Event Tickets
©2014 SF Weekly, LP, All rights reserved.
Loading...