Right-Wing Blogger Forces Us To Support One Direction. Dammit!

Categories: Oh, Really?
One Direction.jpeg
When you think of the greatest threats facing the youth of America today, chances are you think of gangs, drugs, unprotected sex, racism, the economy, or any number of combinations from that list, and then some. But no, faithful readers, we've just found out the real scourge facing teens today. And according to blogger Debbie Schlussel, it's British boy band One Direction.

"Well, yes," you may be thinking. "One Direction are vacuous and utterly devoid of meaning. Is there a chance their heinous pop twaddle could damage the brain cells of teens?" Well, actually, no. That's not what Schlussel's problem is. Schlussel's problem is that she apparently has zero respect or tolerance for anyone else's religious and spiritual beliefs. We get the impression that she is utterly terrified of brown people.

Here's where Schlussel's at: "...Even if you've heard of [One Direction], you probably don't know that one of its members, Zayn Malik, is pimping Islam on your kids. That's in addition to his Arabic tattoos... He's no dummy. He knows the power he has, and is using that influence to preach the Islamic faith to [fans to] try to convert them. It's dangerous."

Zayn Malik wearing a keffiyeh. The Horror!

So what did Zayn Malik, the least white member of One Direction, do to inspire such panic in this Schlussel woman? How is he forcing his religious views on your "mindless" (her word, not ours) daughters -- who, as we all know, will do whatever famous boys tell them to? Well, first of all, he wore a scarf! That's right, a black and white scarf! Or, if you're Schlussel and scared of the word "keffiyeh," "the official garb of Islamic terrorism." (Someone ought to drop her a line and let her know that Islamic terrorism must be rife in the hipster community.)

Also, as Schlussel demonstrates using direct quotes from Malik's Twitter account, this boy had the nerve -- the balls-out nerve! -- to retweet Arabic phrases from the "Islamic Thoughts" Twitter account, and -- may the baby Jesus smote him! -- to wish a Happy Ramadan to any followers who happen to share his religious beliefs. Malik also asked who among his followers were fasting, and then sealed the question with a kiss! A capital "X"! Right there, at the end! It's practically child rape!

Our favorite part of all this hyperbolic hysteria is the ultra-panicked title of the blog: "Boy Band Jihad: Mega Pop Star Pimping Islam On Your Daughters." Which seems to suggest that Malik must have infiltrated this group of dumb pretty boys with the express purpose of indoctrinating American tweens with terrorist rhetoric! Best keep the kid away from our planes or he may be enticed to fly one straight into one of our nation's fine and upstanding high schools! Ahem.

Debbie Schlussel.jpg

Schlussel goes on to describe Zayn Malik as "a Paki Muslim" -- and just re-typing that phrase makes us violently gag over our own keyboards. For the record, the P-word is as horrifying, offensive and reviled in the U.K. as the N-word is here. Throwing it around in this casual a manner is actually enough to make us start rooting for One Direction -- and we can't fucking stand One Direction.

In summary, this Schlussel banshee -- a regular Fox News commentator, unsurprisingly -- might be one of the dumbest and most inflammatory racists that we have ever had the misfortune of stumbling across. When numbskulls like Schlussel write this crap, it's circulated all around the world -- we first heard about this from England's NME.com blog, after it was reported in a national British daily newspaper. Racists like Debbie encourage the rest of the world to believe that Americans are under-educated, ignorant and racially intolerant. Feel free to drop her a line and let her know what you think of that: her email address is writedebbie@gmail.com. We'll be over here cheering on One Direction out of principle, and ignoring how much we dislike their music.

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