Top 10 Best Classic Albums to Name Yourself After
Led Zeppelin II has perished. Not the album, of course, but the man: 64-year-old Illinois resident George Blackburn legally renamed himself Led Zeppelin II last fall as an ode to his favorite album of all time. Today, unfortunately, the Chicago Tribune reports that Mr. II (or is it Mr. Zeppelin II?) passed away May 18.
His shining example of rock fandom, however, got us thinking: What other great albums would make great names for human beings? So we did a little musing, and came up with this totally serious and authoritative list of the top 10 best classic albums to name yourself after. Feel free to suggest alternatives in the comments.
10. Aerosmith's Greatest Hits
You could name yourself just "greatest hits," but why leave any doubt as to whose you mean? This is actually the proper name of the album, and what a hilarious mindfuck it would be to explain/boast (because how could you not boast), "I am Aerosmith's Greatest Hits!" You'd never suffer a bruised ego again... unless of course you're not an Aerosmith fan.
Just imagine the confusion? "What's your name, sir?" "Nevermind." "What?" "Nevermind." "Uh, sir?" It doesn't have the clear identification of Led Zeppelin II, but the ensuing chaos would probably make Kurt proud.
You're already naming yourself after a piece of music -- why not leave the reference vague and get super-meta about it?
7. The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw, and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do
Yep, that's the 23-word title of Fiona Apple's upcoming album. And sure, it's not convenient or clear, and you haven't heard the music yet. But if you're going to do something crazy, do it really crazy.
6. The Chronic
"Yes, hi, my name is The Chronic, and I'm calling to see if you have any open positions available? Oh, my skills? Well, I excel at rolling, puffing, pinching, weighing, blowing Os, gang-banging, and applying rubbers. I can also hit switches like you wouldn't believe. No, not 'bitches'; switches. You know, like in a six-four? Yes, I mean a car. Oh, and really, I can't think of anyone better-suited -- or better-named -- to run the front counter at a medical marijuana dispensary..."
5. Purple Rain
We went back and forth about Dirty Mind vs. Purple Rain, honestly. But the problem with the former is that everyone would know your skeezy ass wanted nothing more than to sleep with them. Whereas, with the latter, it seems likely that everyone would just want to sleep with you.
4. London Calling
As long as your first name isn't "Theophilus," you really can't go wrong with the name "London" -- or by naming yourself after the greatest record by the Clash.
3. A Love Supreme
Two great words and the first letter of the alphabet... and an homage to one of the greatest jazz records of all time? You can't lose. Literally.
2. Aladdin Sane
Sorry, but Ziggy Stardust is way too obvious. Aladdin Sane sounds like a really awesome villain in a futuristic comic book. It also has the double meaning of "a lad insane," which you definitely are if you name yourself after this album. But in a good way!
1. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
The classic choice. If you want to be somewhat reasonable, do it first name: Sergeant, last name: Pepper. But why be reasonable? Just be obnoxious and take all six words as your name. And also, be okay with the fact that this one is almost certainly taken. But, hey, how many John Smiths or Mike Mitchells or Mary Browns are out there?