The Five Questions Someone Had Better Ask Madonna on Twitter

The pop star seen training for the upcoming onslaught of Twitter queries.

Madonna is going to have a one-night stand with Twitter this evening, taking questions from fans tonight starting at 7 p.m. PST on the handle @MadonnaMDNAday. She's planning to hit it and quit it, so these queries are going to be crucial. (Yes, Ryan Seacrest has already submitted his: "Since Tim Tebow is moving to New York, will you show him around?")

But since Seacrest and the other diehard Stans around the world shouldn't have all the fun tonight, here are the five questions someone had better step up and #askmadonna (the official hashtag, y'all):

5. "Does it piss you off when Satan gets credit for all your ideas?"

A recent 4,000-word missive in the Christian Post lays out an oh-so-convincing case that Madonna is a Satanist and a puppet of the devil. But somehow we think it would be more galling to her if people thought she had no authorship over her artistic identity and output than if they believe she worships the devil.

4. "How boring was M.I.A.'s middle finger salute?"

Super Bowl pundits need some variant of Janet Jackson's Nipplegate to wag fingers about every year, and this year's version was the flip of the bird that M.I.A. threw to a camera in the middle of Madonna's halftime show. Twenty-three years after the burning crosses of "Like a Prayer" -- and even after tisk-tisking M.I.A.'s stunt in the press -- didn't the whole incident seem like a waste of good conservative outrage to the Material Mom?

3. "Are you done with the nip and tuck?"

Madonna is a stunning woman, and she might be even more so had she not allegedly implanted unnatural objects in her face and other places. So, Madge, are you finished playing the losing game of beat-the-clock?

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