The Top Five Most Heinous Pop Songs of 2011
5. "Criminal," Britney Spears
Three words: Pan flute solo.
4. "Mistletoe," Justin Bieber
Like Bieber wasn't enough of a problem already, this year we had to stomach him releasing a goddamn Christmas album. We didn't know it was possible to be this enraged by something so incredibly bland and stupid. Thanks, kid. Between this insipid song and the sight of you making out in the video, we really want to slap you round the face and send you to bed early.
3. "Don't Stop The Party," The Black Eyed Peas
That Super Bowl halftime show was searingly awful on so many levels, it was an inevitability that these uber-douches would end up on one of our end-of-year worst lists. The reason we chose this song over all the other swill they've produced this year is because rhyming the word "pinnacle" with "genitals" is simply inexcusable, whichever way you look at it. "Don't Stop The Party" is utterly unimaginative and predictable from start to excruciating finish. It doesn't just make us wonder who buys this nonsense, it enrages us that anyone would even consider doing so.