Michael Jackson's Hair Gets Turned into a Roulette Ball (We're Not Kidding)
Yesterday, we had to walk away from our desks and go and sit in a darkened room for an hour to mourn the fact that exploitative, sick-fuck-dom just got taken to a whole new level by three separate groups of people, operating together as a sort of bloated super-leech. Prepare to wrinkle up your face in disgust as we tell you that a website called Online Gambling Pal recently purchased some of Michael Jackson's hair (for $10,871) and is -- in a move that even Elvis' jumpsuit designer would probably call tacky -- turning it into a roulette ball.
That might be the least appropriate use of the word "appropriate" we've ever seen. There is absolutely nothing appropriate about any of this lunacy.
Online Gambling Pal goes on: "The ball itself will be made to the highest professional standards, ensuring it will be eligible for use at any licensed casino's roulette table. Indeed, considering Jackson dedicated his life to entertaining millions, the prospect of this very special ball captivating crowds at roulette tables seems like a fitting use for it." Actually, gambling weirdos, the fitting thing to do with a ball of discarded hair is to -- pay attention, because this part may actually blow your sick little minds -- discard it. Flush it, trash it, get rid of it, it's gross.
Finally, OGP finished up its hyperbole-filled report of events with: "We would therefore like to encourage any casino interested in using this unique ball at its tables to contact us. Together, we can ensure Michael Jackson continues to rock and 'ROLL' forever." Seriously, people? You had to capitalize the word "roll," there? In case we didn't get the pun?
What we'd really like to know, Online Gambling Pal, is how much you're going to charge casinos to borrow this travesty of an item? Are you going to send any of that twisted money to Michael's orphaned children? We sincerely doubt it. And what about you, casinos? Are you seriously going to encourage Jackson's mourning fans to gamble away their hard-earned dollars with the promise that it will get them closer to their hero? Have you literally no shame?
This whole incident just serves to emphasize how far people are willing to go to make a buck, and how exploitation of both celebrities and fans is, seemingly, at an all time high. We can only hope that this isn't something Michael Jackson's fans will buy into, since it's obvious that everyone involved in this chain of events couldn't care less about Michael Jackson or his legacy, but rather only how much cash they can potentially make off the back of his name and premature passing. We sincerely hope none of them make a cent.
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