This IS It: A Letter to the Perfume-Shilling Julian Casablancas

Categories: Selling Out

julianc.jpg
Something stinks, and it's you.
​Dear Julian Casablancas,

Remember how the Strokes were good that one time in 2001? Yeah, we're ready to forget that ever happened -- but then again, we're pretty sure you already have.

Once upon a time, you brought us the bouncy, gritty swagger of "Last Nite" and helped herald in the garage rock revival. We had hope for you, Julian. Maybe it was a mistake, but we looked to you and your classmates (the Hives, the Whites Stripes, etc.) to save us from the Limp Bizkits of the world and prove that rock could be great again, that rock didn't need anything other than brilliant songwriting -- and it certainly didn't need rapped verses.

Even while the last few Strokes albums underwhelmed us, we were hoping that maybe, just maybe, you were still a dirty New York post-punk at heart, teasing us with sub-par albums only to blow our minds again in a few years. But we're pretty sure you can't do any of that when you smell like "The essence of rock."

Yes, we're talking about Azzaro's new French perfume for douchebags, Decibel, and how for some reason you, Julian Casablancas, are its poster boy.

The TV ad you're featured in for the fragrance doesn't even make sense. It starts with your close-up, and then, at one second in, you're wildly swinging a guitar around onstage, Pete Townshend style. (We're pretty sure you never did that at any real concerts, because we would have just laughed at you.) After you make some weird gestures around the microphone, you're suddenly stage-diving backwards -- and we notice for the first time how sparkly (and weird) your jacket is.

And then there's the bottle of perfume, shaped like a microphone. In the name of all that was exciting and promising and almost holy 10 years ago, we hope you just didn't know the bottle would look like that when you agreed to this. Please say it ain't so, Julian.

Sure, Angles had some redeeming moments. But to answer the once-rhetorical question your band posed a decade ago, this is it. You are officially irrelevant. Now excuse us while we spray some of Rihana's Reb'l Fleur into our pillow and cry ourselves to sleep.

Jack White was always cooler anyways,

The World

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Follow us on Twitter @SFAllShookDown, follow Dean Schaffer @deans55, and like us at Facebook.com/SFAllShookDown.


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9 comments
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a REAL fan
a REAL fan

Dear, "The World" You're an asshole

Aleksandar
Aleksandar

You write way to much...Its only perfume

Ceci Gutz
Ceci Gutz

Speak for your self and please don't ever include us (the world) on your hating. You wish you were Jules! peace!

neetsy71
neetsy71

maybe if people still PAID for music instead of stealing it, musicians wouldn't have to resort to flogging their music and themselves to corporations ... who can blame them?  i blame gen y and every other generation since ... LONG LIVE THE RECORD STORE!!!!

Rick
Rick

Why the fuck would Julian break one of his band mate's guitars at a real concert anyway? If you've ever seen a Strokes performance (which I doubt), you'd know that Julian likes to abuse his equipment. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

Kicksroute66
Kicksroute66

Guess what's paying for you to write on this page Dean Schaffer? That's right. Ads.

caitlin
caitlin

Seriously? People aren't allowed to sell perfume or whatever? I don't see you complaining about Interpol's song being used in a Levi's commercial, Santogold in Bud Lite Lime, etc etc etc I could go on. All the great punks "sold out" as you call it, and there's nothing wrong with that. Honestly, if you feel good about the deal & you need to make some money, then do it. And you've obviously never been to a strokes show since I've seen Julian wield his microphone stand much like he handles the guitar in the ad.

I agree with William's comment, this reads way too much like a Pitchfork piece.

GHile
GHile

Stupid article. Go back study music and letter writing.. "the world" hehe

William
William

4 Essential Steps to Writing a Strokes Piece by Pitchfork:

1. Praise 'Is This It'2. Follow up by mentioning how 'subpar' their following efforts were3. Close with say the Strokes are irrelevant (though they headline every major festival)4. Optional: include cheap shot i.e. Jack "White was always cooler anyways"

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