Five Ways to Make Listening to No Doubt Bearable (Kind of)

In this week's issue of Entertainment Weekly, No Doubt announced that it's about to release its first album in nearly 10 years (try not to fall over yourself with excitement). Bassist Tony Kanal explained: "We started writing in 2008. We spent that year trying to write, and we hit a block." The interviewer, very wisely, immediately asked what the block was. And vocalist Gwen Stefani responded: "Not writing songs. Like, going in and hitting your head against the wall for hours and feeling really bad about yourself for days and days."

Here's a thought, Gwen and Co.: If the music isn't coming naturally, maybe it shouldn't be coming at all. Like, maybe the music knows that we've all suffered enough with your last five albums and shouldn't have to deal with any more out of you. In preparation for this next round of what's likely to be pseudo-dancehall, ska-based, crossover-pop twaddle, here are five ways to keep yourself sane while listening to No Doubt.

nodoubt2009tour.jpg


1. Stick Your Head in a Bucket of Water
The purpose of this is twofold. Firstly, the water assists you in drowning out the noise. Secondly, while you're down there, it's the perfect environment to try and impersonate Gwen Stefani. Think about it -- the water provides you with both instantly nasal vocal sounds and a catastrophic warbling problem. Have fun in there. Important: Do not be tempted to drown yourself (even if "Don't Speak" starts playing).



2. Read a Book About Cultural Appropriation
It will make you really, really angry. And also arm you with the tools to dismantle Stefani's tendency to steal things from other cultures and suck all the meaning out of them. It started with her use of bindis and culminated in her horrifying objectification of four, permanently silent (or giggling), overtly-stereotyped Japanese women -- or her "Harajuki Girls," as she calls them. Sure, this was something she did for her solo career and not within No Doubt, But we're still horrified to the point of slack-jawed bemusement. We wonder what nationality she'll be treating like a handbag for the new album.





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14 comments
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Jen Anne Ritter
Jen Anne Ritter

the "journalist" seems very infantile. Talk about bitter,for whatever reason. 

Soccerbeam
Soccerbeam

Obviously tons of people love gwen stefani and love no doubt and theyre gonna stick up for them

jen fon
jen fon

LOL at butthurt No Doubt fans. If you had any self-esteem or security in yourselves, you wouldn't have to get so damned offended over an article, which clearly wasn't taking itself half as seriously as you all take yourselves.  Kids, overt fanboy/girlism is one of the most effective ways to show what a hopeless tool you are.  Get some shame.

Jen Anne Ritter
Jen Anne Ritter

it has nothing to do with self-esteem,or lack therof. It's about how lame it is that someone spent so much time writing a slag-off article. And seriously,what is your deal? Are you friends with the "journalist?" Or just a bitch,in general?

Soccerbeam
Soccerbeam

Your a fuckkng idiot. No, people are taking the music serious and the attack serious. Not themselves. Are u fckng retarded, people are sticking up for the band and Gwen stefani, not self esteem issues or security, this guy is blantantly giving bad vibes to No Doubt, and people are sticking up for them. This guy is attacking. Dumbass journalist who has no idea about music or anything.

Tommy C.
Tommy C.

If you don't like No Doubt, you don't know SHIT about No Doubt.  You probably know of Gwen Stefani's solo career, and their last album "Rock Steady", which, I'll admit as a huge No Doubt fan, was a terrible album--a sellout album if you will.  HOWEVER, if you had any knowledge of 90s culture, or any appreciation for music, you'd realize that back in the day (and I mean the BEGINNING of No Doubt's career--they started in the late 80s!) they were amazing.  Their first album "No Doubt" is a great, fun ska record.  "Tragic Kingdom" speaks for itself (and if you know "Just a Girl" and "Don't Speak", that's not enough... REALLY delve into the album.)  And "Return of Saturn" is one of the greatest albums of all time.  So a.) you don't know shit about music, b.) you don't know SHIT about No Doubt, and c.) you clearly don't know shit about journalism.  Try again, because this article is a FAIL. 

Starlight
Starlight

Wow you suck! No doubt is the best! This article should be called "5 ways to make Reading a bullshit story bearable." and really if you dislike them, why do you know so much about them?

cindafuckingrella
cindafuckingrella

I guess we can all assume that something so sad must have happened to you in the past that you now resort to using your platform for making personal attacks .  Maybe an old boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with you (smart move btw) while Don't Speak was playing in the background and it created a permanent scar on your poor psyche?   It's funny that what you characterize as "cultural appropriation" is obviously just an artist paying homage to a culture that she openly and honestly credits for a tremendous amount of inspiration.  So much so that she personally donated one million dollars to Save The Children's Japan relief fund.Good luck with your writing career Bitter Betty.  We can see how well it is going.

Sbarnha
Sbarnha

Here is a some advice to the "jouranlist" who wrote this pathetic excuse for an article; Before you decide to critisize music, make sure you understand what real artistry is. No Doubt is talented and you're rhetoric is horrible. Learn to write and learn what music is. Change your profession while you're at it. Thanks.

warwick
warwick

Now I understand yet another reason that newpapers are dying a slow painful death, the "journalism" is done at the 7th grade level. 

1. Was this an attempt at humor? Usually when I dislike a band, I just listen to something else. 

2. Are you trying to make the point that white (well some of ND is white) suburban American bands shouldn't be inspired by the music/culture of non-Americans? Is it just Jamaica, India and Japan which are off limits or how about Egypt? That's where eyeliner comes from and No Doubt Gwen stole that too...

3. and 4. Kinda ran out of ideas by this point, huh?

5.  See # 2, the UK is off limits too.

Chris DeMartinis
Chris DeMartinis

Wow.  For someone who seems to dislike No Doubt so much, you seem to know an awful lot about them.  Before writing a B.S. story, maybe you should try to focus on how the title of the blog relates to the material.  I'll give you the first solution to bearing the music of No Doubt, but the rest make no sense.  If anything, they would make someone who is already upset with them even more upset.  This is not making it "bearable".  Not even "kind of".  Go back to journalism school, mmk?

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