Kylie Minogue Makes Movie About Lesbian Werewolf; World Groans

Since we have so many queer women in this fine city of ours, we figured we should probably just go ahead and throw this out there: Have any of you ever gotten so hot 'n' bothered after a make-out session that one of you started turning into a werewolf? No? Didn't think so. But that's the premise of a new movie named Jack & Diane (we hope you're suing, John Mellencamp) that stars none other than Kylie Minogue.

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Now, Kylie might not be such a big deal over here (cough -- "The Locomotion" -- cough), but she's one of the biggest pop stars in Europe. And she's known for being very much in touch with the gay community. So, we're wondering why a homo-lover such as herself would be in a movie with a general premise that seems to be: Doing Gay Stuff Might Turn You Into a Monster.


Now we are, of course, basing this off an imdb.com summary, since the movie's not out yet. Maybe we're getting the wrong end of the stick. But here's what that site has to say about it:


Jack and Diane, two teenage girls, meet in New York City and spend the night kissing ferociously [seriously]. Diane's charming innocence quickly begins to open Jack's tough skinned heart [gross]. But, when Jack discovers that Diane is leaving the country in a week she tries to push her away. Diane must struggle to keep their love alive while hiding the secret that her newly awakened sexual desire is giving her werewolf-like visions.

Now, does that, or does that not, sound like the worst movie ever made? The most we can hope for is that it will be a kitschy lesbian-empowerment fest, rather than yet another cheap round of objectifying-lesbians-for-straight-man-fun.

As for Kylie, we have to wonder why she's even going back into acting when she's had so much more success with music. A lot of you may not even know that she started life as an actress -- most notably in the classic Aussie soap, Neighbours, on which she played a young mechanic named Charlene, alongside Guy Pearce. Don't believe us? Check out this little piece of sly-glance-based hilarity:



In summary, we'd much rather see Kylie singing on a Pride float than delving into the world of werewolf-based lesbian antics. Unless, of course, the lesbian antics are actually nice to lesbians for a change. Crossing our fingers, not holding our breaths.

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2 comments
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leztuesday
leztuesday

And since this article was written by a very straight man you have NO clue that this is one the most highly anticipated lesbian movies for 2011. Next time dig a little deeper, check the actresses playing and the director then tap away on the keys.

However I'll cut you a little slack since you threw the lifeline of not having all the facts!

Superelana
Superelana

You are hilarious! I have something I need to come clean about...I'm really a werewolf.

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