Top 5 Songs Charlie Sheen Is Probably Listening To Right Now

So this was the week that Charlie Sheen went on an extensive media tour to prove to the world that he was a "Vatican Assassin Warlock" -- which, according to our dictionary, means "gigantic mentalist." He has also announced to the world that he's "tired of pretending like [he's] not special." Well, we think you're real special right now, Chuck. We think you're even more special than Whitney Houston was during her Crack Is Whack interview (and we didn't know it got more special than that, so thanks). Here then, in honor of Charlie Sheen's frenzied frame of mind, are the top five songs we bet he's listening to right now.

5. "Shitlist", L7

Charlie Sheen hates a lot of people currently. "I hang onto my resentments," he admitted in an interview this week. Among others, he's been bitching about CBS, Two And A Half Men creator Chuck Lorre, ex-wife Brook Mueller, the entire AA organization and, probably, Yo Mama. We like to think that this little number is the song that Charlie starts his day with, just so he can get all imbued with hot-headed rage as soon as he gets up -- which is probably why, according to him, "we win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary." Pantless winning? That's the best kind!

4. "Where's Your Head At?," Basement Jaxx

Ol' Charlie just told People Magazine that one day he "suddenly woke up with a new brain," and that the new brain operates so fast, he has difficulty saying everything as it comes to him. If we were him, we'd be lying awake at night, wondering where our old brain went. This video offers some potential answers.

3. "Come To Daddy," Aphex Twin

Sheen knows a thing or two about kids. He's got five of them. So we should all pay attention when he tells ABC that his drug-use "made Sinatra, Jagger, Richards - just made all of them - look like, y'know, droopy-eyed, armless children." Delightful! We can only assume that if his drug-use manifested itself in child-form as well, it would look a bit like the terrifying kiddies in this video. We'd also put money on the fact that every time someone asks Charlie about Chuck Lorre, the song playing in his head sounds a little something like this merry little ditty.

2. "Life On Mars?," David Bowie

So Charlie told the Today show that he's "a total rock star from Mars." Which is weird. Because we thought that was this guy.

1. "MmmHmm," Flying Lotus

After a hard day of shit-talking and rage-fueled manic rants, there's nothing Charlie likes more than unwinding with his "Goddesses" -- his live-in girlfriends; porn star Rachel Oberlin and model Natalie Kenly. We wouldn't be surprised if, during sexy time, his new brain plays this video on a loop - because nothing says bat-shit mental like a woman made of leaves making out with a dude in a feather headdress, as they float in space over a pile of rocks. That's what winning looks like, folks. That's what winning looks like.

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Robert A Schwehr
Robert A Schwehr

Hell,he makes more damn sense then the writer of the above article.The faults of others do not warrant uncharitable derogation before the entire world,Charlie is a great human being with plenty of faults,like the rest of us,present company not excepted.Some of his comments echo profound wisdom and some don`t,but hurting a man before the entire world is simply indicative of graduation from the "Duh"school of philosophy.

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