Well, it was terrible, of course; the question is really whether yesterday's Super Bowl Halftime show was inappropriately awful or expectedly so. To help you sort through it, we've divided up the goings-on based on whether they met or exceeded our minimal expectations for crumminess. Feel free to disagree, but please do so humorously and in the comments section below.
The sound: The vocalists all started about 10 times louder or quieter than their backing tracks, but what can you expect when you're putting on a concert in half-an-hour in the middle of a working football field?
The outfits: Watching the Peas' cheesy spacesuits felt like finally living in the 2011 we dreamed about back in, like, '97. Even their drop-down entrance (especially that initial top-down shot) was cool. But can we please have a hoverboard already?
Usher and His Posse: In keeping with the futuristic theme of the night, they arrived dressed in white suits, looking way better than anything else (except for maybe the marching bands). So maybe he lip-synched much of it (or so it seemed, anyway) -- somehow, "OMG" felt really good right then, anyway.
The various blocks of stage: Looked really cool when it seemed like they were just giant, glowing, space-age puzzle pieces.
The Peas' shouty-ness: It was bad enough your mic was turned up so loud, Wil.i.am -- the least you could have done was actually sing into it.
Slash: Instead of a person, Slash is now just a living symbol for all the excessiveness and semiotic fucking that is The Guitar Solo. Insert him here to win the approval of rock fans. Ugh. Dude should just start a pawn shop or a brand of tequila already.
Fergie on Slash: Bad enough that the awkward Peas' singer had to slither all over Mr. Nosering himself. When she started singing "Sweet Child O' Mine," affecting an Axl Rose wail, our ears begged for the mute button.
The various pieces of stage coming together to spell "Love": Really tried our tolerance for cheesiness. But it was somewhat redeemed by the megaspectacle of the glowing dancers spread all around it.