In Which We Attempt to Review Lil B's New 676-Song Mixtape, and Only Partially Succeed

Categories: Hip-Hop
Three download files, a Word doc of tracklisting, and 676 songs: Lil B's insane new mixtape.
He claims to be Justin Bieber's cousin. He only has sex in space (or Japan). He samples Coldplay, Arcade Fire, and Radiohead several times each. He has eight different songs called "Suck My Dick." He's Lil B, of course, and it's his Internet -- we only surf in it. I put his monstrous new 676-song mixtape on shuffle and analyzed a few of its treasures for your pleasure. What resulted is below. (Download the whole thing here, here, and here.)

"Space Sex"
"We don't have regular sex/ We have space sex." This is off to a bonkers start. The beat sounds like the aural equivalent of laser tag. Serious question: how can you "bring young bitches to their knees" in zero gravity? That sounds positively Olympic. "I don't need drugs to beat that pussy," B announces. Beating that pussy: B's anti-drug.

"Dun Wit It"
Whoa, this beat's melodic, in a very Game Boy way, but a little funereal. Maybe early Castlevania? Lil B just kind of talks for a while. By the end I learn something important about Lil B. Lil B wastes good beats. Ends with a laugh. Ha ha.

"Mario Dat Bitch"
Speaking of Castlevania, Lil B raps over the following Mario sound effects in the following rhythm: jump-jump-coin-jump/jump-jump-coin-mushroom. I really wish he created more backstory for this benchmark (surely the first) verb form of "Mario," but he doesn't end up talking about jumping down her pipe or anything. When he says "Throw my nuts up in the sky" I worry that his nuts will hit that fishing turtle that lives in the frowning cloud.

"Cyber Pussy"
"I need some cyber pussy/ I ain't even gotta see the bitch" -- Okay, I laughed hard at this one. The J-pop/synth-drama music sounds like it should start each round of Minute to Win It. Problem is, his mocking tone and careless rhyming here is irreverent in an unflattering way. Lil B's made his entire name off his knack for manipulating the internet; so why's getting laid off it a joke to him? Lil Wayne would've put his heart and soul into this one.

"This the Biggest Dick"
It was getting about time for an Auto-Tune ballad, the hilariousness of which went considerably down when I really he was spoofing Rick Ross' "I'm the biggest boss that you've seen thus far." "She bakin' like bacon," B insists, and I'm too bored to contemplate how B's protagonist fit 28 dicks in her ass. Maybe they're all lil.

"Santa Is Coming"
"Merry Christmas, bitch!"

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Hennabayba Hanson
Hennabayba Hanson

Dan Weiss has missed the point. Lil B wastes beats -my foot- like the ocean wastes shells. It's POTLATCH, and Lil B is the shit....That's what the fuck you should say. RED FLAME.

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