Michael Jackson's posthumous album Michael comes out next week -- stocking bait, anyone? -- which means its time to prepare ourselves for a deluge of "Michael Jackson songs" that aren't really Michael Jackson songs.
Oh, now, we tried to be optimistic, but as this puke-inducing video for "Hold My Hand" makes clear, there's about a much Michael Jackson in this song as there is orange juice in Sunny Delight.
The credits say this is Michael Jackson featuring Akon, but it ought to be the other way around: Aside for a few whoops early on, ambiguous "ooohing," and some other M.J. flavoring in the chorus, this tepid slice of hip-pop appears to be sung entirely by Akon. The first verse? Sure sounds like Akon trying to sound like M.J. -- a trick the producers employ over and over, likely as cover for the fact that there's very little Michael Jackson in this:
Oh, did we mention? Regardless of who's singing it, this song is awful.
We miss Michael, too, but crap like this isn't making us feel any better. Follow us on Twitter, and hit us up on Facebook.