When Your Facebook Stalker Won't Take 'No' For an Answer

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Dear Anna,



I, like many others in my generation, am a bit of a Facebook junkie. I love the quizzes, the event invites, even the Farmville updates (I know, weird right?), but there is one thing I hate: boys that think 
Facebook is some weird stalker version of OkCupid.

There is this guy who friended me via a mutual friend and I accepted, of course. Anna, this guy has asked me out three, count 'em THREE times via Facebook and every single time I have (politely) declined. I've never even met this guy! What about "no" means "YES!" to men?

Thanks,

Get Off My Wall

I don't know, GOMW, but I'm pretty sure Katherine Heigl is to blame, and celebrity defense lawyers, and the oft-ignored denizens of Opposite Land, otherwise known as "Alaskans." Just kidding! Don't shoot me from a helicopter. Really though, "no" is such an ambiguous word. It's right up there with "I'm going to punch you in the face now," which is what my friend said to me when I asked to borrow his secret bra flask thing and he said no, so I took it anyway because I was confused, obviously.

Without getting all heavy on you and posting depressing links to rape trial outcomes, some men (and women too) take "no" to be a form of token resistance, as opposed to, you know, actual resistance. UC Davis professor Michael Motley did a study in 2008 on such gaps in intimate communication between the sexes, and found that men respond better if you don't beat around the bush. (What are you implying, Professor?) Via Science Daily: "[M[en were accurate at interpreting direct resistance messages like 'Let's stop this.' But they were as apt to interpret 'Let's be friends' to mean 'keep going' as to mean 'stop.'" So don't mention "friendship" to your Facebook "friend." And don't say anything about "sandwiches" either. Because that means you're secretly "bisexual" or "hungry." One can just never tell these days. Politely declining will not do. Nor will a response such as: "No...unless you help me steal a goose egg on Farmville" (which is not a euphemism, I hope). Be bold! Be succinct! Or at least be able to quickly make up an imaginary boyfriend named Steve! Who's a professional windsurfer/orthodontist. He's very versatile, my Stevie.

Some women are afraid that if they reject a man outright (and by outright, I mean hiding safely behind a computer somewhere), he'll be offended or angry or will post passive-aggressive status updates and comments about your un-ironic love for Mariah Carey until you agree to go to the malt shop with him or whatever it is people do when they're not on Facebook. But that's probably not the case. Motley also found that "most men actually accept direct resistance messages easily and without negative reactions." So there you have it. Lay it on him! Wait.
 
Obviously, if the trend persists, defriend him. That's a glorious power, my "friend," and you should wield it with the utmost mouse-clickiness you can muster! Use two fingers if you can. Or a fist. And that's advice you can apply to just about anything.

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