The Week in Ill-Advised Event Names: Puffy Areolas, Semen Sundae, and More

By Daniel Levin Becker Mon., Aug. 9 2010 at 11:22 AM

Categories: Judging A Club By Its Cover

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Courtesty Metal-Archives.com

Rumplestiltskin Grinder thrashes out at Thee Parkside on Thursday.

Constraints of space-time being what they are, there's just no way to savor all the meats in San Francisco's cultural stew. For those of us with easily offended rhetorical sensibilities, here are some meats you can cross off the list this week. Not to, um, mix metaphors.

Monday: "Shellac Shack" @ The Homestead

Unfortunately, not the Albini-B-52's cockfight the name suggests. Shellac is used to make vinyl, of course, and DJ Chas Gaudí will be spinning legit blue-wop 78s all night, but something feels lacking. Maybe the domain name.

Tuesday: Puffy Areolas @ Hemlock

Is this a job for a rough-and-tumble Ohio noise sextet, or for the good people at Marina Plastic Surgery Associates? Find out for yourself. (Catch Puffy Areolas supporting Sex Vid, Fuck Buttons, and P.O.R.N. this fall on the Best Not Googled 2010 tour.)

Wednesday: Semen Sundae @ Viracocha

Being French is no excuse.

Thursday: Dick Fregulia's Good Vibes Trio @ Cafe Claude

Troublingly enough, the trio incarnation of this theme-from-Frasier-for-seven-minutes-a-pop ensemble has no vibraphone player. Evidence suggests Fregulia has regular experience with poor naming decisions, viz. "I'll Stringalong With You" and "Marcello Bello the Mellow Fellow."

Friday: Rumplestiltskin Grinder @ Thee Parkside

Supporting their latest release, Living For Death, Destroying The Rest (sic), this Philly quartet spins grindcore into gold -- although they prefer to call it "criminal thrash." Hope to hear selections from their 2003 live album, Raped By Bears. Also playing: Embryonic Devourment.

Saturday: The Mother Truckers @ Slim's

If this band isn't made up entirely of matronly, semi-driving women, you're allowed to demand your money back.

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