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via Kanye West's Twitter

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Kanye West was late to join the social media party, but he was caught up to speed immediately upon stepping into Twitter headquarters here in San Francisco earlier this week. At one point, he was gaining 80 followers a second. Where did we learn this? Kanye's Twitter, of course. Now he has 300,000-plus followers eating up his puffery, narcissism and asininity in tweet-sized bites. Not bad, considering that he's following -- oh, rounded to the nearest even number -- no one.

Just as we readied to expound on how a better match could not be found than in Kanye and Twitter, he tweeted the same conclusion:

I think Twitter was designed specifically with me in mind just my humble opinion hahhhahaaaahaaa

Yes, it would seem that way. (Obligatory hahahahaha.)

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This weekend we get down to a bit of French-house-friendly dance music from south of the equator, and usher in a new club to the realm of the Mission's excellent party hubs. It's a couple days of fresh tunes, fresh starts, and (hopefully) refreshing weather. Nothing terribly life-changing is expected, but good times are certainly within reach.


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Courtesy of de Young Museum

El Anatsui's Hovor II

​The woman sauntered up to the giant wall hanging called Hovor II, inspected its connecting pieces, then sat down on a nearby bench to get a more expansive view. Every five minutes or so, the pattern was the same on the second floor of the de Young Museum: Surprise. Inspection. Survey from afar. I witnessed that pattern this week, soon after speaking to the artist who created Hovor II from the tops of old liquor bottles.More >>

Is Fresno's Princeton the Great One, or PtheG, really "the worst rapper in the Bay Area," or is he having a laugh at rap's expense? The conceit of "Cheeseburger" is asinine, from the rhythmically braindead chorus to the way P keeps forgetting to lip-sync and reaches for the steering wheel instead, but the verse -- all 36 seconds of it -- isn't actually that bad. Not Fabolous caliber, but you probably wouldn't think twice if you heard it on a Dipset track.

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Maybe you won't admit it -- at least to your would-be fans -- but we all know it's the truth. No matter how stunning your lack of ambition may be, no matter how much you say you like sharing a one-bedroom with four guys and perfecting lattes for corporate assholes to pay the rent, you want that indie-rock band you're starting to succeed. You want Gorilla Vs. Bear to gush. You want a Pitchfork "Rising" interview of your own. You want M.I.A. Grizzly Bear to invite you to collaborate on her its next amazing record.

How to do this? It's not that hard. There isn't one sure-fire formula for indie rock success, but there are ways to game the system -- to set up your band in a way that will help attract the attention of those who matter (i.e., bloggers). After a detailed analysis of moderate to extremely successful new indie bands, we've developed the following highly scientific templates for blog-worthy (and in some cases, megastardom-worthy) bands. Assembling your group according to these formulas won't at all help you make good music, but it will help you get attention. So here we go:
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Judgement Day plays Saturday at the Bicycle Music Festival

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Stringed heavy metal acts operated by bicycle power, teenage dance parties, and legendary country-folk ingénues in the park -- San Francisco has it all this weekend for less than the cost of a few pounds of organic summer fruit. Here's our list of events for under $10 during this fine final weekend of July.

Fake Your Own Death @ Make-Out Room (Fri.)
San Francisco's Fake Your Own Death boasts an accurately macabre band name; its music fits the gloomy bill. With hints of Joy Division and Interpol, Fake Your Own Death freely embraces the darker side of music, though with a charming addition -- as has been noted many times, the band's vocals strongly recall those of The National's Matt Berninger. The band's Friday night show at the Make-Out Room is both an album release celebration and a new video debut party. ($7, 7:30 p.m.)

Teenage Dance Craze @ The Knockout (Fri.)
We're just dreaming, but here is our dream: to see dive-bar dancers whose attention to detail matches the obsession of Bay Area vintage-music DJs. For example, at Lonely Teardrops' doo-wop night about a year ago, we lost our composure and requested a Claudine Clark song. "I have one," the DJ said, looking guilty. "But Claudine Clark is girl group, not doo-wop, so I might get in trouble with the other DJs. They're pretty strict." Can you imagine the dancers who would go with that? If we were to find them, said rumpbumpers would undoubtedly show up, dressed to the goddamn nines, at The Teenage Dance Craze Party, presided over by Beatle-booted thugs DJs Sergio Iglesias and Russell Quan, and dX the Funky Gran Paw.
($3, 10 p.m.)-- Hiya Swanhuyser

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Indra Dunis

Zola Jesus' Nika Roza Danilova

​Wolf Parade

Moools

Hit play and the tune jumps right into a fevered psych-pop jet, with clangy, reverb-heavy guitars riding a fuzzed-out bass line. There's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it-chorus, and a tasty surf-guitar melody that guides us back into the verses. The vocals are hazy, with virtually undecipherable lyrics, but lyrics aren't the point here. The song is short, catchy and fun. So we'll see you on the 18th?

MP3: Woven Bones - "I've Gotta Get"