How Not to Seal the Deal: Banned from the Bedroom Playlist
Not sure if he's speaking from experience, but Broke Ass Stuart posted a list of the music you should never play when you've brought your date back home to make it. At the top of his list is The Dave Matthews Band followed by any music that blatantly has "sex" or "getting it on" in the lyrics. Adding to Stuart's list, I've got my own banned from the bedroom playlist. Behold:
- Jack Johnson -- Nothing locks up my chastity belt quite like a jam band, and if you even think about bringing out your own acoustic guitar so you can serenade me with crappy covers, I'm throwing away the key.
- Sade -- If you play her, I will leave. I don't care how much you loved her last album. Nothing makes me think more of my mother than Sade, Basia and Enya.
- Journey. The same rules apply here as they do in the bar. If you stand up and start howling and fist pumping, "Just a small town girl, livin' in a loooonely world...," you're proving how predictable you are. (In bed.)
- Prince. I love "Erotic City" as much as the next girl, but this falls in the no "sex" sex music. Promising to "funk until the dawn" is not going to start the funking. We both know what we're here to do.
- Justin Beiber. Not that he will ever make it on a playlist of mine or yours, but I feel it's noteworthy to say he's banned especially from this playlist because A) he's five. And B) To quote Twitter cewebrity Kelly Oxford, he "looks like he'd be bad at sex." That's not the message you want to send is it?
- Smooth jazz. Wait, how old are you? Should we be doing this?