@sk Jamie Varon: When Should a Couple Go 'Facebook Official'?

​ Dear Jamie,

I've been hanging out with a guy recently and everything is going well -- we've told our friends that we're dating and are cool with showing up together to parties and group events, basically the only thing that we don't have our relationship mark on is our Facebook status (both mine and his still says "Single"). When is it appropriate to change this part of your Facebook profile, i.e. be Facebook official?

Best,

Facebook Confused


Dear Facebook Confused,

So, here's the best way to avoid any Facebook-relationship-status-updating confusion: At around the fifth date mark (which you have now obviously passed), you should change your status to "Engaged" and ask him to accept the engagement. Once he sees that and inevitably freaks the fuck out, you can do one of two things: 1. Accuse him of having some sort of Facebook baby mama, because, clearly, HE DOES; or 2. Tell him that in order to make you feel better about not being engaged to him, he should, at the very least, commit to you in a real way, which absolutely includes becoming FBO (Facebook Official). This is sort of like punching someone in the face before you have to tell them that their Great Aunt Gertrude has passed on. It eases the blow.

Or, if neither of those sound appealing, there's actually a super secret option: Be a real-life adult and have a real-life conversation with your boyfriend about changing your statuses, instead of submitting questions to SF Weekly about something that can easily be answered by just, I don't know, opening your mouth and being mature about the situation. I know, this is a very novel idea and it may be a bit progressive for a smart woman like yourself because why would anyone want a relationship built on mutual honesty, respect, and open communication? I know I sure don't.

Carry on, Facebook Confused. Carry on.

Best,

Jamie


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