@sk Jamie Varon: My Friend Posted Drug Pics on Facebook

​ Dear Jamie Varon,

My friend posted a picture of the weed he was trying to sell on Facebook the other day and although it looked great I couldn't help but wonder if there could be any legal backlash. What do you think would/could happen if this continued?

Best,

Not A. Narc

First of all, your friend is a straight-up genius. He's learning how to harness the power of social media in order to really diversify his customer base. Digg this weed! StumbleUpon this hash! Retweet this pot! It's actually one of the best ideas I've heard in a while and that's saying a lot, really. Most people are not too, ahem, smart, so it sounds like your friend really knows what's up when it comes to marketing. Good on him.

I'm thinking he should set up an e-commerce site where he can ship out his drugs to various parts of the country. Why must drug dealing always be so localized? Expand that shit. Go international! Optimize profits! Have him use PayPal, so that people can easily pay for their selection, whether it be weed, Oxy, or some pretty fantastic meth. He can set up an entire social media campaign where he tweets about his new arrivals, has people become a fan of his drugs on Facebook, and he can even blog about how high he got off of his merchandise. It's all about the community, so make sure other people can fill out their information and review the drugs; word of mouth is the most powerful aspect of social media, so don't discount that.

Actually, wait. I had my terms wrong. Technically, when I said your friend was a "genius" what I really meant was that he's a complete fucking moron. Clearly, those drugs have gone to his head space and have killed off far too many of the brain cells he needs to have even one ounce of common sense. Because, the real truth of the matter here is that if anybody even remotely tied to the police caught wind of this little drug photo shoot, your friend would surely be taken in for basically, I don't know, BEING A GODDAMN DRUG DEALER.

So, tell your dumbass of a friend that he should remove the pictures he posted of his weed and maybe suggest he take up a habit that doesn't involve him handing the cops a reason to incarcerate him. Also, tell him that no matter if his Facebook profile is set to private, his information is always available. Just like his mom.



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