Vain S.F.: Trims, Lashes, and Bare Skin- Oh, My.

We realized that when we wrote about the best places to hook up in the city we threw you out of your crammed apartment into the love-filled streets of our fine city without a beauty parachute. Worse, it's the season of Pretty Face, meaning we ate so much over the holidays we're relying on our cute mugs and acerbic wit to get us into bed with a stranger. Since the effects of the "work-out/eat healthy" crap is going to take a few hungry, carb-less months to kick in, we need some here and now beauty solutions. We at the SF Weekly are on your side. Here's to looking good and getting some nookie, 2010 style.

1. Best Brazilian Wax in the City

Pubic grooming does not make you look skinnier, but having a porn star punani helps accentuate the positive. We're positive we'd rather just be called fat, rather than fat and hairy. Remember, we love you just the way you are, but if you are into the pre-pubescent pubic look, we have the perfect place for you to go: "Pampered Nails by Tammy." Get a mani/pedi and,oh yeah, the best Brazilian wax in the city. Tammy's fast, uses two types of wax, and gets out the magnifying glass to make sure your downstairs looks like Mr.Clean's bald head. For only $30 you can get the best Brazilian wax in the San Francisco and still have money left over for that mani-pedi.

Pampered Nails By Tammy, 500 Sutter, Suite 509, 415-568-5085

2. Trimming Time

This is more of a public service announcement to the guys then anything
else: while your beard may feel "in" to you, it makes us think you're a
grooming disaster down where the snake and balls play in way too much
grass. Do what you will with your facial hair, but for God's sake guys,
please make sure you keep the rest neatly trimmed. After all, we
are going out of our way to look like a 12-year-old. It's the least you
can do.


3. Mani/Pedi

Oh, my- on almost every other block of this city there's a nail salon. Of course, our polish started to peel just thinking
about some of the gruesome cuticle bleeding moments when we prayed we wouldn't contract a skin disease. Polished Nails is your nail oasis, plus it
looks like an adorable dollhouse for adults inside. They hand you tea,
you sit in lovely chairs, "read" US magazine, and then let the gossip
(er, relaxation) with your girlfriends begin.

, 470 Third Street,


4. Wink Your Way into Someone's Heart

We admit we have tried the
Walgreens do-it-yourself peel and stick eyelashes, and perhaps we were
accused of looking very stoned as our eyes were glued half-way shut
from an accidental overdose of the eye-lash adhesive. Then we found out
about Shu Uemura, the best place to get the false lashes put on, so
they stay on, and you look like you have it going on.  Be forewarned,
the place is a bit pricey, but if you go in and stay on the false
eyelash course (no straying to the land of skincare) you'll have plenty
of money left over to drink.

Shu Uemura, 1971 Fillmore, 415-395-0953


5. Jersey Shore Your Skin Snookie Style

We can not ethically tell
you to climb into a cancer machine, even if you think a tan does make you
look ten pounds thinner. We love the warm whether, sunny day,
pale-skinned-leg-parties at Dolores Park, and we'll save a seat for you
on our picnic blanket, tan or no tan. If you do tan though, this is the
place to get a spray tan, the kind of tan that doesn't make you wrinkle
into a California raisin before you turn 50. For the best spray tan in
the city, go to Tan Bella.

Tan Bella, 2185 Market, 415-522-1234  and 272 King, 415-512-8267
 6. Bang n Trim

When all else fails, direct attention to your hair. How do you do your hairdo without spending too much cash? We got some hair care tips from stylist Jacob Moss, who suggests going in for a 10- minute adjustment between haircuts.

"Most high end salon's will offer clean up for their men including neck trims, sideburns and bang trims for the women. If you need a clean up we'll tidy you up. It's not a 'service'
offered to the general public but it keeps clients loyal and I take care of my clients."

There is usually no charge for this, so remember to tip them kindly for being so cool.

Groove Salon, 215 Fremont, 415-975-9900
Photo by jeff g. via Yelp

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