Club Review: Boner at Beauty Bar

Categories: Clubs
Boner at Beauty Bar
Last Seen: March 25, 2009
Recurring Club Night? Every Wednesday
Notes and Photos by Crystal Akins

Better Than: Taking Viagra or watching porn.

Former Frisco Disco DJ Richie Panic has a new trick up his sleeve: free weenies (the hot dog variety), rumored whip-its, 90's jams and more every Wednesday at Beauty Bar -- free of charge.

"There's no better pleasure than a guilty pleasure, and everything that was stupid becomes cool while everything that was cool becomes stupid," said Panic. So if your guilty pleasures include getting rampant hard ons for the 90's, R&B, and Crapola, this club's repertoire should fit your aesthetic. For a Wednesday night, the crowd remained just as static, if not more, at 2 a.m. as it did at midnight. Boner jams "Your Woman" by White Town, "Thong Song" by Sisqo, and "Basket Case" by Green Day were just the prelude to attendees' full blown climax. 
"The term boner party comes from the concept of boner jams," explained Panic. "A song that is so bad that it's good."

Inside the Beauty Bar you'll find sparkly pink fuschia walls and vintage vanity booths mingling with streamers and pinatas, saluting the Mission district. Bathrooms, however, are another beast. Plastered photos create one monumental collage on the walls while a slight stench forces you to vacate as soon as possible. 

Streaming through the intimate dance floor is the cool, crisp air provided by the large fan located by the DJ booth (watch out), and a diverse, somewhat mature crowd dancing until morning. What makes this party so good is this: simplicity and intimacy. A bar spanning nearly the entire length of the space, plus good music, plus a diverse crowd, equals fun. 

If you've got a stomach made of steel or you're nearly incapacitated, perhaps one of the hot dogs sitting on the petite carrier at the edge of the bar will interest you; there are even buns, ketchup and mustard. According to the DJ, hot dogs are the ultimate fun time party food. At least they're free? In any case, my only advice is to proceed at your own risk.

Secret: if you're really lucky, I mean really lucky, you might see one of the bartenders spit fire. 

This party allows you to let oyour hair down while having a good time to music you secretly love, and you'll return home still wanting to dance to No Doubt. Pay no attention to the vain artifacts all around you, don't get your hair caught in the fan, and bust a move. 

Critic's Notebook:

Personal Bias:
Hot dog hater.

Random Detail:
If you love Debaser and hate waiting until the first Saturday of every month, this party will hold you over.

By the Way:
Special guests are planned to DJ in the future weeks, but until then, Richie Panic is DJing stag. Also in attendance and supporting the 90's revival were Jamie Jams and Jeffrey Paradise.
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