The Clickable Clit: How Much Cybersex Is Too Much?

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By Bonnie Ruberg

The Clickable Clit continues this week with more adventures from the personal diary of an SF-based cybersex expert.

How much cybersex is too much?
Sunday, December 7th
Filed under: Boy/girl toy follow-ups, Gripes

I recent interviewed Dr. S. for a piece I was writing on cybersex and depression. To be specific, I wanted to know if people who had cybersex often felt like there was a connection between getting it on online and their mood. The good professor wrote me back a thoughtful response, which is what I expected from someone with a PhD in the literary arts. What caught me off guard was his response to the question, "How many hours a week do you engage in online sexual entertainment." His answer: up to thirteen, including porn and erotic chat.

Thirteen hours a week? That's more than a day and a half of work. If I had thirteen free hours a week, I would... I don't know, write a novel, solve world hunger, find a cure for AIDS, or something. I'm not saying I think Dr. S. is alone in the amount of time he spends getting off online, I'm just constantly baffled by how much of their lives men -- not to generalize, but I've never heard from a woman with an internet sex addiction -- spend on such things. At a certain point I begin to question if I'm involved with a healthy, balanced person who happens to enjoy talking other people off. Instead, I start to wonder if I'm dealing with a pathology.

To be honest, there's probably also an edge of jealousy in my response to those thirteen hours per week. I kinda like my professor --like, like like (triple word score!). He spends, on average, two hours every Friday morning with me. Lately that's been the only two hours each week I dedicate to cybersex -- and remember, that's literally part of my job. If he spends, let's say, four times that many hours on erotic chat, just think of all the other partners he must have. I mean, I'm poly in real life, and it's not like he's going to show up with a digital STD, so I shouldn't care, but there's still something a tad skeevy about the whole thing...


Bad booty call? No thanks.

Monday, December 8th
Filed under: Boy/girl toy follow-ups, Gripes, Online heads offline

I was on OkCupid the other day, checking my mail, when an IM popped up from a boy I'd dated a couple times this summer. The beauty of the new OKC IM system -- and by beauty I mean the giant pain in the ass -- is that you can't turn off the ability to get messaged, which means you either have to ignore the people who bug you or entertain inane conversations. I was surprised to here from this guy, since, although we'd enjoyed each other's company, I thought we both came to an unspoken agreement we weren't interested any longer. Or, to be more specific, we'd slept together, I hadn't thought it was very good, and I decided to be busy the next two times he tried to schedule a date. Still, I wouldn't have minded staying friends.

Unfortunately, this boy wasn't IMing me to ask if we could meet for a platonic dinner and catch up on life. Instead he was home in the middle of the day, lonely and horny, and clearly trying to stir up a booty call. "Remember that first date we went on, the one where we made out in the alley?" he wrote. Well, yes, I do remember it, I thought, but I also remember the three dates after that -- dates during which, I should add, you didn't get me drunk and therefore I wasn't silly/easy. Then he told me about the Youtube videos of girls making out he was watching. Then he starting theorizing about what we could do if we hung out again... in bed. What makes you think I'd go there with you again? Because it was so great the last time?

All I have to say is, wham bam no thank you ma'am. That's what I get for signing on to OKC in the middle of the day.

Won't you read my cybersex transcripts?
Tuesday, December 9th
Filed under: Online heads offline, Transcripts

I'm seeing this new boy whom I met on OkCupid. He's older than me -- older than my sexy professor, amusingly enough -- but I like him quite a bit. Maybe I'm just a sucker for pretty eyes. Why do boys always get the best eyelashes when they don't even know how to use them?

One of the first times we were hanging out, the subject of my articles came up. After some coaxing, it came out that he had found my blogs, read a bunch of my pieces, and done the whole Google stalking thing. The one thing he refused to read, however, were my cybersex transcripts. He said he preferred to learn about me at his own speed, instead of stumbling across what you could call sexuality spoilers.

I wonder how much you could really learn about me from my transcripts -- or at least the me you'd encounter in bed. Probably a lot, seeing as how my tastes in one are pretty identical to my tastes in the other. Though now, of course, I'm tempted to have totally outrageous cybersex, send him the transcript, and be like, "I thought you should know this about me..." I'm thinking hot zebra-on-schoolgirl action, or something appropriately horrifying.

To reach The Clickable Clit, write to bonnie [at] heroine-sheik [dot] com--or follow her exploits throughout the week at her cybersex blog, Cybersexy, where you'll also find full versions of all the cybersex transcripts you read here.

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