The Clickable Clit: "Apparently I'm a Cybersex Tease"

By Bonnie Ruberg

The Clickable Clit continues this week with more adventures from the personal diary of an SF-based cybersex expert.

How do you decide what to include in a sex blog?
Thursday, October 16

This past week I attended a sex blogging workshop held by San Fran’s own Melissa Gira Grant at the Center for Sex and Culture. For the most part the workshop, while a lot of fun, wasn’t exactly oriented toward people like yours truly who already spend a significant chunk of each day hanging out in the sex blogging world. Melissa did have us do an exercise where we wrote about real-life sexual experiences in a way that stripped out all the personal details — which gave me 200 odd words to pour out my heart to an index card. For me though, the question that really stuck out from the evening was, “How do decide what to include and what not to include in your sex blog?”

Since I’m not blogging about real-life encounters, in my case this isn’t so much a question of privacy, anonymity, or confidentiality. It’s a question of how much I’m willing to admit — to myself. For example, I’m happy to tell the world that I went into Second Life, let’s say, and had cybersex with twelve different partners to research BDSM subcultures, or whatever. What’s hard for me to share is my own response to these encounters. Sometimes I really am removed. I’m eating a sandwich and working on a review at the same time I cyber. Other times though, as with my recent encounters with the college professor, I have been sincerely physically invested in the encounter. See, even that’s a euphemism. What I mean is, I was turned on. And that’s what, in my case, is somehow unspeakable.

Rules of Use for Beautiful Stranger
Monday, October 20

Now that I’ve got myself a volunteer moderator for Beautiful Stranger, it seems time I actually figure out the rules of use I want that moderator to be enforcing. Here then is the list, creating as yours truly stumbles blindly toward a concept, I’ll be posting over on the site:

First off, thanks to everyone who’s signed up for Beautiful Stranger so far. We have more than 100 members! Of course, now that our numbers are multiplying, it’s time for a little order. Here are the rules of use of the site, brought down from on high. Please check them out before continuing — or starting — to use the network.

1. Keep visual material rated PG-13. That means no nipples, no genitals, no non-underweared asses. I know, I know, the ads Ning is running on the side of the site already break those rules. I’m talking to them about it, promise.

2. Respect the preferences of other users. That means if someone asks you to stop messaging him/her, stop. Any reports of harassment will be taken seriously. As in real life, “no” means no, unless everyone involved has previously consented to a role-playing scene that dictates otherwise.

3. You’re encouraged — though not required — to upload a photo for your profile other than the default image. This lets other users know you’ve put some time into the site and that you’re serious about good cybersex, not just quick hook-ups.

4. You’re also encouraged to use the social aspects of the site — the forums, the groups, etc. — in order to help build a community. Don’t be a profile hermit and expect to pick up hotties. We Beautiful Strangers have to get to know you before we want to jump you.

What will happen if you break these rules? Obviously #3 an #4 are suggestions, so what can I do? If you break #1 or #2, however, you will receive two warnings before your profile is deleted from the site. Don’t make me go all mean, OK?

Why are these rules the way they are? This is a social network for people who like cybersex, so of course we don’t want to limit anyone’s freedom of sexual expression. However, our goal is to present a welcoming appearance to all plenty of potential online sex partners — even the ones who’d head for the hills if Beautiful Stranger looked potentially sketchy. Think of us at the naughty OkCupid. Plus a friendly appearance is bound to attract more female users, and everybody wants that.

Who’ll be enforcing these rules? Beautiful Stranger Yoyo89 has kindly volunteered to be our first moderator. As he gets started, he’ll be bringing complaints to me, but eventually he’ll be playing sexy cop all on his own. If he gives you a warning or asks you to change your behavior, consider it official.

If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to get in touch with me directly.

All sounds kind of formal, doesn’t it? Let’s hope it works!

Apparently I’m a cybersex tease
Tuesday, October 22

Who knew? The other day I got an email from a fellow cybersex enthusiast and regular reader of my blog Heroine Sheik — someone I’ve been in touch with a number of times over the years, specifically while talking about online sex and fetishism. In the past we’ve mentioned the possibility of hooking up. I’m always looking for new research partners, especially ones with actual verbal skills, and this guy has experience. Apparently though I’ve been leading him on for a long, long time without even realizing it. Here’s an excerpt from his email:

I don’t know what to do anymore; I have tried and tried, to no avail. I got close with you asking me what we could chat about at Beautiful Stranger, which lead to more unanswered emails. I have always valued your friendship online, such as it is. We are not close, but I always felt it was fun with you, to chat about online sexual chats, especially after you used my emails on cyber and camming in your online column.

Maybe that was it; maybe you always felt me more of a panty freak, or something like that, and not a fun cyber partner. I don’t know, but I never got the chance. Maybe it was the time difference, maybe it was you are usually online more for your sex experiments during the day, which I find a little bit of cheating yourself since a lot of people do it late at night when they are home and people are in bed. But it always seemed you were never online at night, where most people are, including myself…

What I am saying is I read about your hot, fun, sexy times online, and no matter how I try, I never got a chance to run my tongue from your hosed foot in your sexy heel slowly up your calf, while a I caressed your other leg in its sexy hose, and move up your leg, to your thigh, growing harder as I go, then as I got closer to your sexy hosed pussy in its wet, cotton gusset, as I now slowly move my cock along your leg, almost humping it as I move along, up to your wet gusset to lick and smell your hose and pussy together, which only makes me harder, which makes me grind against your leg more, which gets me licking at your hosed pussy harder…

I gave it a try, late as it is for me, and maybe nothing you have any interest it. It is my “Hail Mary” to maybe get some time with you. Many women tell me I am fun to chat with; you would be the funnest woman I could try and chat with, but I never get close. Then I read about professors sucking at your clit, and how you sound like you wet your panties chatting with them. I have never gotten the chance. After a couple years of emails, I would hope I could get a chance to wet your panties. Or your pantyhose.

My online friend later admitted, in what comes as close to blushing in an email as possible, that he’d sent that email after going out for some drinks with the boys, and that he didn’t actually want to guilt me into having cybersex with him. Still, he’s got potential. I wrote him back to set up a meeting. We don’t have a scheduled time yet, but we’ll see how it goes. If there’s anything I don’t want to be, it’s a tease.

To reach The Clickable Clit, write to bonnie [at] heroine-sheik [dot] com—or follow her exploits in detail throughout the week at her cybersex blog, Cybersexy.

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