Chris Rock! What Are You Doing on America's Next Top Model?

Categories: Television

cw-antm10-marvita-container_010077-6aa966-500x636.jpgFashion Wednesday's return! Project Runway remains on hiatus until next week (we're dying of anticipation!), but America's Next Top Model has returned. Already shit is goin' down. We laughed, we cried, we felt shocked, and we continued to ponder how Tyra became so damn crazy. The season premiere functioned as a "pre-episode" to the real show. Loads of model hopefuls took a stab at "Top Model Prep," which apparently is a all-girl Catholic high school for hotties. They pulled out all the stops — "Runway 101" (a runway walking class), schoolgirl uniforms, and a pep rally finally where Tyra was crowned prom queen.

More important than the actual plot was the daytime talk-show banter of the contestants. First we heard some Springer, then some Oprah. Somalian native Fatima made it known she was classy, unlike her "ghetto girl" competitors. Asses almost got beat, especially by San Francisco native Marvita (who looks astoundingly like Chris Rock — but hot). Seriously, Marvita told a girl, "Bitch, if you touch me, you're gonna die!" (San Francisco represent!) Fatima also shared with her new pals that she was castrated at age seven, prompting tears, hugs, and loads of love.

I've already picked two who have to win. My first fave, New York native Claire, has steps. I'm not talking about sweet moves, but the hair style. As if it couldn't get better, she's also a mom and drinks her own breast milk so she'll still be able to feed when she gets back to her kid. Brooklyn native Lauren is punk as funk and androgynously sexy. I'm all 'bout these ladies. Stay tuned: Cycle 10 will rock your world. Wanna be on top? - Melissa Baron

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