There are only eight more days until Christmas, and you want to make this year different for that special someone. You were thinking maybe drawing him or her a nice bubble bath from Lush, while you read a book of love poems from John Keats you found at Borders, then giving 'em some jewelry from Macy’s. Ugh. Gag me.

No, seriously, strap on a breathable ball gag into my mouth, lock up my member in a CB6000 chastity cock cage, and then hit me with a mid-level flogger. I’ve spent the past week wandering the sex shops of San Francisco, and they have gotten together and bukkaked me with gift ideas. Take a look at my suggestions and let me spread holiday cheer all over your face. Click on "The Rascal" above to see a slideshow with descriptions. — James Lee

(Special thanks to all the helpful employees and to my antibacterial hand sanitizer. Click on "More" for "The 12 Dildos of Christmas" Map.)