Warhawk, warhawk, and some warhawk: GamerStatus

Every Tuesday, SF Weekly's culture blog 'All Shook Down' writes about what video games it played over the last week. We call it: GamerStatus. -d2
Warhawk Addiction Sets In
Games bought: Warhawk, PS3
Games played: Warhawk, PS3
By David Downs

PS3 sucks big time, people. It's pricey. There's no games. And the games they release are glitchy as fuck. Still, Warhawk, makes me happy I waited in line to buy this damn supahcomputah.

Released in mid-August, this third-person, multi-player combat shooter/driver/flier might be one of the most fun next-gen games out there to play, that is, when it works. First off, you can download the game from the PS3 network for $40. If you want to go into the store, a physical copy is $60 and comes with a headset. You can only play the game online. It might be one of the first console-based games ever to require an internet connection just to work.

The payoff is immense. Thirty-two person air battles crackle above cityscapes in huge, snarling dogfights. Anti-aircraft missiles launch from bases, while tanks and jeeps stage ground assaults, deploying infantry to seize territory and rack up kills.

Moreover, we're gonna need a bigger TV. You and three of your closest friends can jump in via split-screen at home: making this the online GoldenEye of PS3 – fun for all your bros.

The downside is a steep learning curve, and the innate perils of online functionality. I can't tell you how many times I've been kicked, dropped, and locked out of a server for various reasons ...

likely having to deal with my ISP, modem, router, DHCP settings and game settings. NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T GIVE A FUCK, Sony! I know, the heterogenous nature of the net means all setups will require fine tuning. But this cripples widespread penetration! Where are the Resistance servers when we need them!

A friend says he knows a guy who works at Sony coding games. I told him to bring him by so I can punch him in the nose for Warhawk's glitches. I don't care if he's directly responsible. Hopefully he can punch his manager in the nose, and nosebleeds can go all the way to top.

That aside, once you get the game cracking, prepare for hilarious team mayhem. Can you say: Mined Jeep suicide missions into enemy bases? Yes you can. Bait and switch tactical traps? Check. Badass battlescapes reminiscent of Star Wars? Check. Now if I could only get more guys over to my pad for some four-player teamwork. Talking to dudes via the headset just becomes obnoxious.

P.S. Attention newbs: do not play this game online against real people right out of the box. You will get pwned so hard, it will not be fun for anyone except the 14 year-old Korean kid who just made Wing Commander Rank by reducing you to shrapnel. Make a private game, and familiarize yourself with the vehicles, maps, power-ups and strategies by whomping up on your girlfriend or little sister. Because their ain't no AI as hard as good old-fashioned I.

P.S.S. My name is d2d if you see me online. Clan: Baby Butt-Rapers, or [BbR] for short.

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