Messing Around with Salvia
Experiment by BY MATT NOVAK
A friend of mine just moved into town, wanted me to help him move some boxes. He's an M.D., and hasn't been too shy about ingesting stuff, so I told him I had some new stuff I wanted to try. A couple hours later we're lounging around in the barely furnished apartment over in Noe, breathing evenly, contemplating our senses while the doctor plays chords on a cracked Ibanez. The sun shines over the Mission, birds warble, traffic wanders by lazily. All is well in the world, except for the puddle of viscuous green ooze swishing in our pallettes, the proscription for Seibert's Green Emerald Goddess tincture-- an enhanced salvinorin A compound and about 99% grain alcohol, judging from the way it burns my tongue like a motherfucker (should've diluted it with hot water)--and until, in midst of our serene fraternity, a ropey, unctuous stream of it suddenly plunges from the corner of my friend's mouth, onto his picking hand. "Rorry" he mumbles. I grab a spitoon.
Salvia divinorum is a relatively scarce psychoactive sage and kappa opioid receptor agonist, but it's better known on the street as Maria Pastora, Sally D, or magic mint. Its effects have been described as a "kindler, gentler" mescaline. Due to reproductive impotence, the plant was once limited to it's native Oaxaca, where it was dug ceremonially by Mazatec shamans. For a limited time only, you can buy it all over the Web, or at your neighborhood head shop or tobacconist---but act fast, because this one's scheduled to be scheduled by the DEA. Hey, if the Feds want to outlaw it, it oughta be good, right?
A recent article in the Chron, like most articles run about the plant, claps the cowbells of hysteria, and features
prominent quotes from Malibu guru Daniel Siebert, recognized as the world's foremost expert on the wise weed by the world community of Salvia aficionados, wherever they are.
He runs a site at sagewisdom.org, which indisputably appears to be the Web's one-stop resource on the plant. He's got plant recipes, plant poetry, video of cute animals playing near the plant, centerfolds of electron microscopy done on seeds and stems. If you doubt Siebert's seriousness, pay a visit to the virtual altar.
You could pore over a few dozen scientific journals, or just get the dish by watching "Sacred Weeds" (if you can stand the soundtrack of incessant tribal percussion). The Mazatecs roll the leaves into a quid and chew them; you can smoke it or swish its juices all around your tongue, and in a few minutes you get "aphrodisiac effects," "extraordinary memory enhancing effects," and even effects described as "alter[ing] the fabric of consciousness profoundly."
There's repeated disclaimers all over the site about how the shit will knock you on your ass, better think about having a "sitter," Castaneda-style ramblings about how you better make peace with the Salvia gods. Actually, Siebert has seen them, "[L]ong-eyelashed elf-like entities...cartoonish in character" nestled in "cozy little homes...all around me." I'm the last guy to mess with angry fairies, but I'm game to get acquainted.
Siebert campaigns for the plant to remain legal. "The effects are not desirable for recreational drug users. It's not something that is fun. It's more of an existential ordeal."
After chewing live leaves, smoking the hell out of dried ones, and swishing potions around like mouthwash all day, I'd have to agree with him; we didn't feel any different than when we started. According to Siebert and the Salvia "community," that means my friend and I are "salvia hardheads", one of an extremely rare and "incredibly insenstive" species (approx. 10% of the population fall into this category, according to Siebert's "FAQs") who don't get anything out of the plant.
I kind of feel like the chump stuck with a bag of oregano. But when you read their testimonies, it's hard to miss how deeply salvia rocked the true believers. Siebert muses: "There was something very natural and nurturing about it. I felt a deep sense of assurance and comfort, a feeling that everything was at peace and as it should be."
Maybe it helps to discover Salvia the same day you learn to masturbate. Maybe it works for you? Let me know.
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