Hollywood Death Metal
You probably didn't watch On the Lot last night, because that show sucks, so you surely missed the last film about alcoholism and death with the ridiculous name Edge on the End and the laborious, pronoun-sick catchphrase, repeated till we nearly puked all over our TV tables, "The moment you lose someone you love can be the moment you decide to lose yourself." It looked and sounded like a really bad music video by Tool circa 1990 (the music here came from Revel), and all the tramping around in the stark, snowy landscape, which looked a little too much like a national park, made us pine, longingly, for those who can really do wicked cold despair: Scandinavian death metalists.
But Kenny Luby, if you're going to make an existential film about a weekend alcoholic wandering through the snowy woods, presumably miles or dozens of yards into the wasteland, then give the character something more than a 12-ounce bottle of beer! Arm him with a gallon of cheap vodka in a plastic jug, the kind with the handle, or at least a party ball and a bag of weed. Really, showing a character passed out after making his way through part of a six pack (he even poured one out in tribute to his dead homie, who was like his uncle or something?) shows a lack of spirit, a phoniness that pops up all too frequently the show, especially in everything the host says. And what was with the roses at the end? Did you come up with that idea all by yourself, without the help of every last shitty goth/emo/Evanescence video? If On the Lot is the future of Hollywood, looks like we won't notice a thing. That could be the point. --Michael Leaverton
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