Knockin' Boots with R. Kelly! On Uranus!

When the International Astronomical Union bounced Pluto out of the official list of planets in our solar system last year, many of us felt betrayed. We grew up believing in nine planets, nine apolitical Supreme Court justices, and nine Ring Wraiths. Granted the Nazgul haven't let anyone down lately, but the other two concepts have crumbled in the light of the new millennium. The next IAU conference isn't scheduled until 2009, but R. Kelly will on Tuesday issue a position paper, in the form of a superlatively filthy slow jam, encouraging the scientific community to recognize a new celestial body... Sex Planet.

The song is a delightfully graphic primer on the mechanics of getting’ astrophysical in various locations around the solar system. In what is probably (hopefully!) the only use of the word "anus" in any love ballad ever, Kelly croons encouragingly to his intended, “Girl I promise it will be painless, painless / We'll take a trip to the planet Uranus, anus.” It’s a close encounter of the nastiest kind… enjoy! --Frances Reade


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