The popularity of Shit Girls Say has spawned an ungodly amount of spin-offs -- including one perfect for San Francisco, Shit Vegans Say. When vegans are getting in on the action, you might've jumped the shark. Or be ahead of the shark by two days, as us vegans are very progressive. Also, I might've just pasted this sentence into my boyfriend's Gchat and asked, "Does this make sense?"

Without further adieu, More Shit Vegans Say from the very funny vegan Ari Solomon:

I've, no joke, said at least half of those things in the past two hours.

And, if you're one of the seven people who missed Shit Vegans Say, here it is in all its adorable glory:

Now we're just waiting for a Shit Slow Foodies Say. Might this be of some help?

Apparently American comedians are getting lots of material out of Norway's butter products crisis, because a lack of butter is something Americans find hilarious. You can't turn on Comedy Central and not see Dane Cook cutting Norway a new one about their lack of pussycat cakes. Well, Norway's not gonna take it anymore! Enter Tommy*, one pissed off Norwegian who's mad as hell, and not taking it anymore! Tommy's threatening to come and eat your American butter in front of you and your family's eyes. She will force you to watch her eat all the butter that you were going to eat on Christmas eve. ning! And you will cry and scream and she will say, "Ah ha ha not my problem!" and then throw the empty tub on your stairway and go home. Ya burnt! And don't get her started on our disgusting soggsages.

Take away: This holiday season, think of those less fortunate, and hold in your latest, "yo momma so fat cause she ate all the butter in Norway" jokes.

*Norwegian comedian Bjørnar Løberg, who is obviously very wonderful.

Hat tip, Videogum!

GrubGrade

Domino's new artisan pizza.

​Artisan sandwiches, artisan water, now artisan delivery pizza: GrubGrade just posted a snapshot of the box from Domino's new Artisan Pizza line. Wood-fired ovens? Apprenticeships with Italian masters? Sounds like Domino's has the measure of SF's artisanal pizza movement, except for the weird beret thing. SFoodie's favorite part of the new box design: the signature line for the store manager. Maybe Chris Cosentino should consider signing every mortadella Boccalone makes.

Jonathan Kauffman

Artisan water

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Tamara Palmer

​On Thursday, SFoodie's Jonathan Kauffman will finish "Going Legit," an excellent six-part series providing valuable tips on how to navigate the tricky world of legal street food businesses. The articles should save prospective vendors lots of bureaucratic nightmares, and probably a decent chunk of change as well. But we also understand that the system is still so daunting and tricky that many people will continue to consider operating outside of it.

Well, if you're gonna do that, do it with some style and panache -- be an outlaw! Simply follow our top tips on going illegitimate:

• Don't feed them before midnight: Health inspectors like to sleep, so make sure you're out on the streets selling after they're all unconscious. Keep a small cache of Rohypnol (aka roofies) in case one happens to turn up at an odd hour; you can grind one up and slip it in his taco.

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Gael Greene. Hot.

​ Look 1: The hat. Gael Greene has been rocking oversized hats for four decades now, and it has gotten her in bed with Elvis. The hat says: You can't see my piercing and highly recognizable eyes, but from my nose down, I'm hot. Right? Right.

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David Yellon

This musta been taken in 2009.

​The news you've all been waiting for: Mark Zuckerberg did a thing. And not just any thing, a controversial thing. The News Gods are feeling generous, so we must take advantage.

Earlier this week Mark Zuckerberg announced to the world that his self-improvement challenge of the year is to eat only animals he kills himself. He prefaced his announcement with this:

To start, let me give you some background on what I'm doing. Every year in recent memory, I've taken on a personal challenge -- something to learn about the world, expand my interests, and teach myself greater discipline.

What a nerd.

Although we'd say murder is a little different than committing to wearing a tie every day (his 2009 challenge), we commend his involvement in the entire farm-to-plate process. We also agree with Jonathan Kauffman that the story here is that he's primarily vegetarian and gives a shit about where his food comes from. Go on, you little dorkus malorkus, we ain't mad at you. In fact, we think the meat eaters who are outraged about this are kinda silly. At the risk of sounding preachy (actually, we don't give a shit), maybe you should think harder about the fact that buying meat is still killing it? Most people are so far removed from the murdering process (for good reason -- it's soul destroying) that they choose to believe ground chuck is made of happy cows who skip into a slaughterhouse because they're so excited to get to Whole Foods. So, you know, good on him for being ... involved.

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Last week SFoodie brought you the hot and hunky men of food television. Today, the companion post so hot it'll melt your listicle, their sultry female counterparts, the women you've watched tying up your meat, sizzling your pot, and making you run your Tivo in slo-mo. We give you the eight sexiest women on TV cooking shows:

8. Aida Mollenkamp

aidamollenkamp.com

Aida Mollenkamp.

​S.F.'s own Aida has that girl-next-door charm and a smile that only Jennifer Garner could compete with. On her Cooking Channel show, FoodCrafters, Aida shares San Francisco treats with the rest of America. No, we're not talking Rice-A-Roni, but things like Kika's Treats. Her former show was Ask Aida, but if you ask SFoodie, Aida is worthy of an opera. Or at least an Elton John song.More >>

Producers of food TV don't just care if a guy can cook ― most stars of cooking shows these days have to be hot enough to make viewers' plasmas sweat. Behold, SFoodie's countdown of the eight sexiest male chefs currently taking up space on our DVRs, dudes with the power to sear our tenderloins with little more than a long, slow look into the camera. (Note to straight men and queer or bicurious women: Relax ― we'll be bringing you their estrogen-pumped counterparts in a future post.)

8. Ludo Lefebvre

Caroline on Crack/Flickr

Ludo Lefebvre.

​He has tattoos, a hot French accent, and millions of men and women dying to taste his pop-up. Chef Ludo is the complete package, and he has a girl ― top lawyer, Apprentice contestant, and Playmate ― who'd make any straight guy green with envy. This L.A. power couple accept reservations on Twitter, and are taking pop-up phenomenon LudoBites around the country for a show called Ludo Bites America, debuting on the Sundance Channel this summer. Need a piece of this hot chef right now? Head to Bravo for Top Chef Masters reruns.

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When did sushi lose all but the most glancing connection to fish and nori rolled in vinegared rice? Oh, about the time American maki makers started loading up sushi rolls the way Burger King loads up a Triple Whopper. If you can palm it like a San Francisco burrito (see: the sushirrito), or it fills the corners of your mouth with mayo, or it packs the kind of calorie count Tim Lincecum sucks down at lunch, is it really sushi? The good news: Even as the typical Crazy Roll in your neighborhood sushi joint has become a craggy, dripping exercise in deep-fried excess, other rolls in both the U.S. and Japan have become subtler vehicles for self-expression. Behold these five example of elaborate sushi-roll ― um ― art, that we'd feel guilty about dunking in soy sauce.

1. Skull maki.
Perfect to bring to one of those Goth potlucks where it's so hard to please anybody.

skulladay.blogspot.com

So, so dark.

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