Watch New Reality TV Spoof Food Club Starring Aziz Ansari and Eric Wareheim

Categories: LOLS, Video

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Food Club captains Aziz Ansari, Eric Wareheim, and Jason Woliner.
Today Food Club floated ashore -- a delightful parody of restaurant reality TV starring comedians and friends Aziz Ansari, Tim and Eric's Eric Wareheim, and Jason Woliner. Clad in suits and sailor caps, the Food Club gang roams the world deciding whether to "plaque" a restaurant with their seal of approval, or burn the plaque in front of the restaurant in disgust.

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Fake Chef Pranks TV Morning Shows, Makes Disgusting Food

Categories: LOLS, Video

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In what may be the best cooking show parody of our time, a fake chef made the rounds on five Midwestern morning shows over the holidays to demo downright gross/ridiculous food. Mashed potatoes in ice cream cones topped with corn and a cranberry "cherry." A smoothie made with everything from gravy to pumpkin pie. Fried chicken topped with mashed potatoes and cranberries for a take on ants on a log. And the hapless hosts gamely played along.

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New Company Claims to Make Artisanal Salami Out of Celebrities

Categories: LOLS, Meat, WTF?

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Tumblr/BiteLabs
An early Kanye test: "coarse ground fatty pork with hungarian paprika for a bit of burn, and jalapeno for a bit of spice."
The weirdest story on the Internet yesterday goes to the new company Bite Labs, which is purportedly making salumi out of celebrities. That's right: They propose to harvest cells from famous people like James Franco, Jennifer Lawrence, and Kanye West, then mix those cells with animal meat to make salami. The website has a detailed breakdown of the process by which they plan to turn your favorite celebs into sausage, and the company CEO has responded earnestly to emails from Vice and Slate. Someone's taking this prank pretty far.

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Portlandia Boldly Attempts to Make Celery Cool Again in 11-Minute Preview For New Season

Categories: LOLS, Video

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Kale is cool, Brussels sprouts are back, heirloom tomatoes are hot, and the head of the Produce Sales Headquarters is very happy. But there's one outlier to the up-and-to-the-right sales charts that the organization is seeing with other vegetables: celery. It's up to Steve Buscemi's Marty, a down-on-his-luck celery salesman, to save his job by embarking on a noirish quest to make his product popular with consumers who don't even require the fiberous stalk in their Bloody Marys anymore.

See also: Portlandia's Food World Satire Just Keeps Getting Better: Our Favorite Sketches

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Guy Fieri's New Coffee Flavor Descriptions Are Pure Poetry

Categories: Coffee, LOLS

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Self-proclaimed Mayor of Flavortown Guy Fieri has just announced a new line of coffee flavors, and boy they sound ... pretty disgusting, to be honest. But their descriptions, spotted by Paolo at Inside Scoop, are amazing. Some day soon, if you have a Keurig-compatible coffee maker, you will be able to enjoy eight flavors of F-Cups (as I imagine Fieri calls K-Cups). But for now, and for forever, you can enjoy the oh-so-Guy descriptors of the mostly saccharine flavors.

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Watch People Eat Foods They Hate in Slo-Mo

Categories: LOLS, Video

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For about 15 years of my life, I avoided scallops at all costs. Not because I'd gotten sick eating them or anything so obvious, but because my parents served them to me once for dinner as a child and I just haaaaated them -- I hated the fishy taste, I hated the rubbery texture, I hated the way I didn't chew them properly because of the aforementioned texture and they slid down my throat in a fishy, rubbery blob. And so it went that I was well into my 20s before I summoned up the nerve to try scallops again, and of course I loved them because scallops are fucking awesome, and now I order them at restaurants with some regularity.

See also: What 2,000 Calories Look Like in Foods You Eat Every Day
See What $5 Buys You In Bananas, Coffee, Beer, And Other Foods Around the World


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Fake Kids' Fine Dining Restaurant, Lil'Buco, Deftly Skewers Dining Trends

Categories: LOLS

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Wonderful Internet find of the day: This website for the "fine dining for kids" restaurant, Lil'Buco. The restaurant is fake, but the dining pretensions it skewers are all too real, from the menu items ("mac and cheese cake with flavor packet coulis," "Hot dog, ketchup reduction, mustard water," and "Lunchables charcuterie") to the drinks, which include "milk three ways" and "mixed sodas (pick three)."

See also:
Distilled Moustache: Brilliant Fake Press Release Submitted to Eater SF

MasterChef Junior Pairs Local Kid With Notoriously Nasty Chef


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Top 30 Archaic Phrases For Being Absolutely Shitfaced

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Flickr/paukrus
Looks like someone's been too free with Sir John Barleycorn.
The Drunktionary is a wonderful Internet gem that music editor Ian S. Port unearthed yesterday when we were brainstorming names for SF Weekly's new bar column, debuting next Wednesday. It's a compilation of the hundreds, nay, thousands of delightful historical euphemisms for "being really drunk." There's a lot of great language in there (I'm partial to the nautical terms and Cockney rhyming slang), and the whole collection is a reminder that extreme inebriation is a universal human folly. Here are a few of our favorites -- use one or two on your next night out, and your friends are guaranteed to be impressed.

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"It's Just Shit Coffee": Pumpkin Spice Latte Backlash Gets Local

Categories: LOLS

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SF Citizen
Finally, some truth in advertising.
Is it just me, or has there been more vitriol than usual directed at the Pumpkin Spice Latte (PSL, or #PSL if you're extra cool) this year? The sweet, syrupy, not-at-all-pumpkiny Starbucks concoction has been embraced as a sign of autumn in recent times, but I've never heard this much backlash.

From a blogger's "open letter to people who can't stop talking about Pumpkin Spice Lattes" that was passed around the Internet a few weeks ago, to the petition on Change.org for vegan PSLs ("nothing about 'pumpkin' or 'spice' has to come from an animal!"), it seems that 2013 might finally be the year that people realize that PSLs are not actually very good (or good for you).

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Check Out This Charming, Crazy Map of London's Underground by Taste

Categories: LOLS, WTF?

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Telegraph/James Wannerton
Section of James Wannerton's synesthetic taste map of the London Underground.
James Wannerton has synesthesia -- the fascinating mental disorder that makes you combine senses in your mind, so you can do things like see music and taste colors. Wannerton, a 54-year-old British systems analyst, has mapped the taste he's associated with every subway station on the London Underground. Some of the stops sound quite nice (sausage & fried egg, eccles cake, steak & kidney pie), some are gross (wet sand, chewed matchsticks, dried blood), and some are downright strange in their specificity (chocolate-coated carrots, warm lemonade, rubber diving brick). Check out the whole map here.

See also: Newest Reason To Move to Europe: The Belgian Frites Vending Machine

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