Hey, Foodies, Leave Those Trick-or-Treaters Alone

Categories: Holidays

6300494919_6b2ae74760_b_flickr_candy_hween.jpg
Flickr/Jim, the Photographer
The very essence of Halloween night.
The only thing scarier than precocious child restaurant critics is precocious children whose delicate palates reject Fun Size candy bars on Halloween. And frighteningly, they may be out there. For the low price of $38, parents can take their precious snowflakes on Gourmet Walks' second annual Halloween Sweets Tour through Hayes Valley this Sunday, weaning them off "bad candy and icky chocolate" (to quote the press release) and onto much more refined tastes like Parisian macarons and infused chocolate truffles.

See also:
- Yes, the Gluten-Free Movement Has Finally Reached Your Halloween Bucket
- The Top Ten Most Disgusting Halloween Candies Ever
- Best S.F. Neighborhoods for Trick-or-Treaters


Listen up, foodie parents. Halloween means different things to different people, sure, but to kids it's about free candy. Free, mass-produced, semi-shitty candy they might not even want under other circumstances (does anyone go out of their way to buy a roll of Smarties?) but is nonetheless worth its weight in gold for one night of the year. Going door-to-door and receiving free candy from strangers is every kid's dream, and returning home, sorting the haul, and swapping with siblings is one of the great pleasures of the holiday.

Children have their entire lives to grow up and develop a taste for fair trade, 80% dark chocolate from Madagascar. If they want to get excited about a Hershey bar one night of the year, just fucking give in to the corn syrup and chemicals and let them have their fun. And save 40 bucks in the process.

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