Annals of Sad Press Releases: The Jellinator
Occasionally we receive a press release so sweet and misguided that we feel it's our professional duty to share it. Case in point: The Jellinator, a new kitchen gadget invented by a husband-and-wife team who claim to be "quite the jello shot enthusiasts," and have come up with a solution to ease the pain of making everyone's favorite binge drinking treat.
Flickr/Beau B Bottoms up!
The About Us section of the website lays out the problem in typical infomercial style:
If you are visiting this site, you have probably made jello shots before and you know what a messy, time consuming endeavor it can be. Somehow, you have to get a hot, sticky liquid in to your jello shot cups. Well, LOOK NO FURTHER because we are here to fix all that! Never again will you have a sticky jello mess.
We haven't made jello shots since college, and take them now only under extreme duress, but we'll take their word for it.
The fun doesn't stop there. The first thing you will probably notice about the website is the product slogan at the top: "The magic is in the tip!"
Um, guys, we know you're referring to the spring-loaded tip that dispenses boozy liquid smoothly and cleanly, but you might want to consider changing up the wording, if only to protect yourselves from immature writers like us.
There's also a Testimonials page full of fans praising the ease with which they made 400 and 500 jello shots at a time (who are these people?), and a Recipes section that includes nausea-inducing suggestions like Egg Nog Jello Shots and Candy Corn Jello Shots made with vanilla vodka and Buttershots schnapps.
Our favorite part, however, came at the end of the press release:
The Jellinator will make its national television debut next month on a new reality show called MFF: Mom Friends Forever on Nickelodeon (Nick Jr. will turn into NickMom in the evenings).
Because everyone knows that moms love taking jello shots together after they've put the kids to bed. (Side note: Booze on Nickelodeon? WTF?)
Anyway, the Jellinator retails for $18.99, or you can get a party pack for $27.99 that includes 125 jello shot cups. They also thoughtfully sell a branded drawstring backpack ($3.99) for all your Jellinator transportation needs.
Let the party begin!