Vegan Hanukkah, Year End Animal News, and Beyonce is Partially Vegan!?
• Beyonce is preggers and so she's eating a vegan diet. Or is it, a partially vegan diet? Which is what EVERYONE ON EARTH EATS. It's like, did you eat anything that wasn't a steak today? Unless it was an egg milkshake, you're partially vegan! Welcome to the club, asshole!
• Need some last minute holiday gifts? Nothing is better than vegan cheese and cookies! If you plied me with vegan cheese and cookies, I'd have at least seven babies for you. Or not have seven babies for you. Your choice, but think about the environment and the impact on my lady parts -- not pretty! But again, your choice.
• Christian vegans! Look at this delightful Yule Log cake. And then make and eat it and pray to Baby Jesus, and give the church all your money and PRAISE THE LORD!
• Jewish vegans! Look at these delightful latkes and then make and eat them and pray to Jewish Jesus, and give Israel all your money and MAZEL TOV! Oh also, Old World Food Truck is having a Hanukkah dinner with vegan options, just email them and ask. So inclusive! I love Hanukkah, and not just because everything is fried. But that's most of the reason.
• You live in the South Bay? Well, go get tons of delicious vegan treats at the South Bay Vegan Bakesale this Saturday! Normally I don't know about jack crap for you party people to partake in, so get up on this!
• Ag Gag bill reintroduced in Florida. Terrible news. John "Wayne" Bobbitt, cover your ears, but seriously, can we kick off America's wang? Just lop it off at the base? It'll be quick and painless, I promise.
• Ellen Degeneres is coming out with a line of vegan dog food. Ok! For real, she's the vegan Martha Stewart-meets-Oprah-meets-Ghandi-meets-Justin Timberlake of our time, and I FUCKING LOVE HER! Seriously, before the day is done, she'll probably have produced several award-winning documentaries on humanitarian crises, bottled several barrels of her own vintage, given Portia a backrub, freaked Usher, and brought running water to Mississipi. God bless.
• Both Compassion Over Killing and Mercy for Animals did amazing things this year. Check out their year in reviews and be proud to live in a world where these righteous groups are kicking mad animal abusing ass. Do it, Rockapella! Sorry, it's Friday, good night.