Anthony Bourdain Whines, Baby Dolphins are Adorable, and the World's Best Spaghetti Sauce!

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​• Anthony Bourdain is running his mouth again about how much he hates vegans because he can't stop because he loves press OH WAIT.

​• Matthew Herbert made a CD of pig noises in factory farms. It is hella super depressing. If you're a person with a heart or brain, be prepared to be sad for the rest of your life.

• Look at these adorable pictures of a man taking care of an orphaned dolphin, which is both very sweet and also super fucking sad, because what happened to his mom?? Dolphins don't be abandoning their babies in Dumpsters. They're not humans! They have some decency!

​• I was all excited because the FIVE BILLION DOLLAR agricultural subsidies were being phased out, but it turns out the government is basically just renaming them. Everyone relax, it's business as usual! Nothing to see here! Except for complete injustice at every turn!

​• Make this spaghetti sauce because it looks amazing. Love that Vegan Crunk!

​• ​McDonald's is starting a television network. Because the billions of dollars they already spend on brainwashing just isn't enough!

​• Popular political columnist talks about eating meat super-honestly, and impresses me. Which is hard to do, because I'm so jaded that I looked at a picture of otters playing with leaves, and I didn't even smile! THAT MUCH.

• This man in Ohio who owned a bunch of wild African animals, and then set them free in OHIO, and then he killed himself. Now, immediately it sounds like you're in Jumanji, and that's awesome, but really, it's not awesome, because these animals aren't meant to be running around Ohio. So then, the cops shot and killed all of these amazing wild animals. And then the world was even sadder than it was before, which seems almost impossible. Happy Friday!