What's Your Death Row Last Meal?

Categories: SFoodie

James Reynolds/Last Suppers
Recreations of condemned inmates' actual last meal requests
​I got to thinking about death-row last meal requests last week, which naturally made me think of mine.

I don't want to speculate about why I'd be executed. Naturally, I would be being framed.

I also asked some SF Weekly coworkers about their potential last meal. None hesitated; this may be a topic we've all thought about, far more than what we might do to end up on death row.

Since my meal is hypothetical, I'm not going to limit myself to what the prison does well, such as the many Texas prisoners who request the relish tray. But I will assume that the meal is prepared in or near a prison, hence no Thomas Keller signature dishes.

If I'm going, some blue crabs are going with me
​In my case I have to hope I get executed in Virginia, because it gets blue crabs and I want those for my last meal instead of Dungeness (Maryland doesn't do executions.)

My meal: A dozen blue crabs steamed in Old Bay, a plain cheese pizza, an order of duck-fat fries (I'll settle for beef tallow, it is prison), fresh peaches if they're in season, an arugula salad for contrast and a blueberry pie.

Here's what my colleagues said:

Restaurant critic Jonathan Kauffman: "My mother's cinnamon rolls. A whole plate of them." If your mom can make them through her tears.

Mollie McWilliams, who does Buzz Machine: "Pop-rocks, dip-a-stick, and a Cinnabon." Good call, no reason to diet.

Giant Bomb
Can you keep my pizza warm on that thing?
​Music editor Ian Port: "Probably a really, really good burger and fries. I don't suppose they allow beer in prison." No, but you might be able to ferment something. Mmm, sugar and toilet water!

News/food writer Ellen Huet: "Steak and some deep-dish pizza. Maybe some Three Twins ice cream too. And fresh string beans." Good to keep a balanced diet to the end.

News writer Lauren Smiley: "A couple slices of Pauline's pesto pizza and a margarita. A tray of Trader Joe's mac and cheese." Bet you get part two and not part one.

Managing editor Alan Scherstuhl: "Zachary's Pizza in Oakland. (Not the Berkeley one.) A thin-crust pepperoni with garlic. I will eat the whole thing, and no matter what President Perry has me injected with, my corpse will burp for days." That's telling 'em!

So what's your last meal?

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Frank Lloyd
Frank Lloyd

I'd go with Fugu - who knows maybe I won't need the needle.

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