All Hail King Caramel, the New Preferred Weed Snack

D. F. Dickerson

​For weed, this is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, the Gold Rush of the grow. The epic tides that are eating away at pot's Prohibition have changed the world of edible cannabis just as dramatically.

The brownie's reign as the ultimate weed snack has come to an end.

From the Haight to Oaksterdam, the pot caramel has become the preferred munchie-inducing morsel potheads -- sorry, I meant patients -- have come to adore.

I can't blame them. Unlike its clumsy fudge predecessor, which often contained too much butter, or weed butter that was the product of moldy leftovers and chemical burns, the caramel always has the right dosage, texture, and hot-buttered goodness.

D. F. Dickerson

​Of the three brands of caramels I tried, Van Ness Bakery and Confectioner's treat ($5) is downright raunchy (in a good way). It's just weed butter, brown sugar, cream, and corn syrup with a hint of vanilla to cut the stench. Damn, it's good. I bought it from Blue Sky Coffeeshop in Oaksterdam. There's even a manufacturer's date on Van Ness products, so you can be sure your sweets are fresh.

There are plenty of other benefits to the smaller and cheaper caramel becoming the Bay Area's new cannabis snack of choice; all of them involve air travel. You could suck down this little bad boy on a flight east, and the .071 grams of Indonesia would never alert the TSA goons the way a plate of skunky brownies from your  Aunt Petunia's oven might.

This won't be you

​And unlike the heavy-hitting brownie that could have you twitching like John Lithgow in the window seat from Twilight Zone: The Movie, Van Ness Bakery's packaging specifies that it uses indica hash only. My indica connotations: productive, horny. A few minutes of this goo will have you tickling your own funny bone.

Cosmic Caramels, from Cannabis Kitchen, come in a three-pack for $10 and each piece is only slightly smaller than the Van Ness yummy. It's meant to be served singly, so who gets the other two? Think about it as you jaywalk through the Civic Center en route to SPARC (the San Francisco Patient and Resource Center).

Butter Brothers sell a four-pack of caramel nuggets for $7; flavors include rum raisin and root beer. Seriously? Does the Sistine Chapel need neon? The Green Door, in downtown SF, has that deal.

D. F. Dickerson writes everything, including the poetry chapbook "I Say I Need Help," available at his website. He lives in Oakland, DJ/VJ's funk, and rides the bus. This is his first post for SFoodie.