More Meat Recalls, Cute-Ass Vegan Slut Wear, and $1 Cinnamon Rolls!
• Shoe designer Jeffrey Campbell and Berkeley eco-boutique Convert are teaming up for an exclusive shoe line, available in September. Those familiar with Campbell know that his shoes are mainly for artsy sluts, so I'll take several pairs of each.
• Sheep have mad skills, and not just at being hella cute. PloS ONE, the peer-reviewed, open-access resource from the Public Library of Science, reports that sheep have the ability to figure out puzzles, and to remember the freaking answers. I can't even do that! There's now talk that sheep could be just as smart as primates, and we all know that primates are smarter than most humans, so STOP EATING SHEEP AND STOP WEARING WOOL. It's not that hard, and you can still look sexy, sly, and fresh. Good job!
Work it, you weirdo vegan tramp!
• Another week, another meat recall. This time it's salmonella in turkey: 36 million (MILLION!!!) pounds are being recalled by Cargill. If you eat dead birds, you might want to check out the list of recalled products, because that shit ain't short. Now, when choosing between the healthy options of veggie burger and the turkey burger, you know which one won't kill you. Don't tell me I never did anything for you!
• It's Berkeley vegan cinnamon roll bakery of deliciousness Cinnaholic's first anniversary! How delicious! If you head over there on Sunday from 1 to 4 p.m., you'll be able to indulge in $1 cinnamon rolls. I saaaaid: $1 CINNAMON ROLLS. Calm down, it's only Friday.
• Madeline Pickens, the wife of T. Boone Pickens, billionaire energy tycoon and man with the world's best name, is on a mission to save wild horses from complete devastation. You see, cattle ranchers claim the horses are eating all the grass and drinking all the water that's meant to fatten up cows for slaughter. OH, BOO FUCKING HOO! You go on, rich powerful lady, fuck shit up. You're fighting the good fight, your hair is fierce, and I want me a pair of those cowboy boots in size vegan clubfoot. WHAT? I CAN'T BE PERFECT.
• Mercy for Animals released some parody ads of the whack and hateful milk board ones. Unlike anything from those milk creepazoids, they are clever and true, and I'm sure MFA didn't pay some ad agency idiots millions of dollars to make them. Man, I hope so many people were fired because of that. Actually, I'm sure they were, because most people who work in advertising are stupid idiots and the turnover is ridic because they're always blaming their stupid idiocy on the other stupid idiots. However, I bet they get hella free snacks and have beer in their private fridges and they all look like Don Draper and have sex on each other all the time and are really, really happy in the way that only stupid idiots can be. MY ENVY IS EATING ME ALIVE. Joke, it's this stomach bug I caught in Moscow that's doing that. Help.
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