Russell Brand and Kristen Wiig Are Sexy, Spam Is Evil, and S.F.'s Best Vegan Junk Food

Categories: Week in Vegan

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​This news is from last week but I was in Greece and Russia (WHAT'S UP I HAVE A PASSPORT) so I'm gonna talk about it anyway, okay? Okay! Also, I've got mad jet lag, a nasty cold, and a really bad attitude. Things could get extra real today and I apologize in advance/YOU'RE WELCOME.

• So! SFoodie's Luis Chong found this amazing-looking avocado shake in the Mission. Looks like I know what I'm bingeing on this weekend! Oh, and the Bold Italic has a good bit of business up on the best vegan junk food in S.F.. Agree with its selections? Disagree? Who wants to have an eat-off? I will eat you out of your eating pants. EW WHATEVER, PERV. But really, call me.

Mercy for Animals releases yet another soul-destroying bit of footage taken in an Iowa factory farm. As Megan Rascal says on Vegansaurus, "Warning: Graphic as fuck." But seriously, if you eat animals, you should watch it, because you should know where your food comes from, right? Enjoy those baby-back ribs!

• Russell Brand and Kristen Wiig are PETA's sexiest celebrity vegetarians. Another thing they have in common? Names that took me five times to spell correctly. Congrats to them!

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PETA's sexiest vegetarian lady. Rowr.
​• Tom Philpott, one of my Internet boyfriends (I have many! What? The Internet is too sexy!), has a nice bit of writing on Mother Jones about how the meat industry turned abuse into a business model. I love me some Philpottamus, but I really wish he'd come around to the veg side, where we have naked sexy sex parties and delicious vegan cupcakes! Oh, and MORALS. Signed, your favorite sexy judgmental sexy vegan sexy girl.

• In complete unshocking news of the week: Chimpanzees hate being in zoos. It makes them sick and sad. Seriously, don't go to zoos -- they are the fucking worst. Kids can learn about animals by being around the awesome ones that are live nearby, watching shows, reading books, looking at paintings, and going on trips to see them in the wild. Zoos don't do anything but breed (ha!) disrespect and an "otherness" for the creatures in cages, and make many children really sad when they see these magnificent animals all cooped up and on display. And if you're an adult, what the fuck are you doing at a zoo anyway? Fucking weirdo.

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SPAMTROCIOUS. I don't know, it worked in my mind.
​• Turns out your kitschy love for Spam is evil, because Hormel is the devil. IS NOTHING SACRED!? What's next, you're gonna tell me that the Colonel is not a kindly old man who just wants to feed me delicious foodlike stuff? IS THE EASTER BUNNY NOT REAL, TOO? Don't tell me. I can't handle it.

Richard Dawkins has a really powerful piece on Boing Boing about vivisection. It's pretty heartbreaking. Man, this is a sad-ass Week in Vegan. Or should I say WELCOME TO REALITY. POPULATION: HUMANS ARE TERRIBLE.

• You know those goofy twats who are walking around with chicken feathers in their hair? Not only do they look ridiculous, they're also supporting the abuse and killing of innocent animals. Way to go, tramps!

Laura Beck is a founding editor of Vegansaurus! and tweets at mrpenguino.
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