Mark Zuckerberg, Ultimate Rich Bitch Nerd, Starts Killing Animals for Self Improvement

zucktie2.jpg
David Yellon
This musta been taken in 2009.
​The news you've all been waiting for: Mark Zuckerberg did a thing. And not just any thing, a controversial thing. The News Gods are feeling generous, so we must take advantage.

Earlier this week Mark Zuckerberg announced to the world that his self-improvement challenge of the year is to eat only animals he kills himself. He prefaced his announcement with this:

To start, let me give you some background on what I'm doing. Every year in recent memory, I've taken on a personal challenge -- something to learn about the world, expand my interests, and teach myself greater discipline.

What a nerd.

Although we'd say murder is a little different than committing to wearing a tie every day (his 2009 challenge), we commend his involvement in the entire farm-to-plate process. We also agree with Jonathan Kauffman that the story here is that he's primarily vegetarian and gives a shit about where his food comes from. Go on, you little dorkus malorkus, we ain't mad at you. In fact, we think the meat eaters who are outraged about this are kinda silly. At the risk of sounding preachy (actually, we don't give a shit), maybe you should think harder about the fact that buying meat is still killing it? Most people are so far removed from the murdering process (for good reason -- it's soul destroying) that they choose to believe ground chuck is made of happy cows who skip into a slaughterhouse because they're so excited to get to Whole Foods. So, you know, good on him for being ... involved.

Of course, he's not doing any of the butchering himself, which strikes us as the truly grueling part, and something you might have to learn some actual skills for. You know, there's more to it than slitting an animal's throat, although we enjoy that he thinks slitting a throat is the nicest way to murder. We think the nicest way to murder might be to rock a really, really old person to sleep after you've administered the sleepy drugs, a la Dr. Kevorkian. Or you know, not murder at all. Potato, potato. Also, who says poh-tah-toe? MURDERERS, that's who.

However, we have two issues who this whole thing. Typical.

1) We worry this will create a trend of people attempting to raise and kill animals in their own backyards, where it is most likely illegal, and definitely harder and more costly than tending a kale plant.

2) Zuckerberg talks about how hard it was to kill a lobster, and we have to wonder, then why do it? Why not go all David Foster Wallace on that lobster's ass and NOT eat it? Doesn't he know lobsters are fucking rad? They never stop growing -- the older they get, the bigger they get, and some scientists think they may be immune to aging. How amazing would it be if humans did that; all our old people would be glorious giants. Finally, our elders would get the respect they deserve. If not, they'd just beat it out of us.

Laura Beck is a founding editor of Vegansaurus! and tweets at mrpenguino. Follow SFoodie on Twitter: @SFoodie, and like us on Facebook.



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Rmg818
Rmg818

This Zuck ( regular name for an irregular guy ) - Is even worse than he is depicted in the movie.He is absolutely missingf a sensitivity gene.  How about this for an alternate challenge.Don't kill anything with a face and don't kill anything that feels pain....you jerk!

Butcher's Bunches
Butcher's Bunches

Hmm... not sure how to say this, but why focus on one lame "goal," and I question that what he is doing is really a goal, but rather some sort of media stunt; instead why not focus on the positive (or negatives) of the common people (much more mass and effect.)  Love the way you write, just get so sick of everyone's focus on "celebrity life styles."

MD
MD

I agree with everything in this piece except the title and tone. How can we expect meat-eaters to be anything other than defensive when we start the conversation with name-calling?

Veggieguy
Veggieguy

I usually side with vegans, but in this instance I think people like Laura are just screaming because they're jealous he's a billionaire.

radio_waves
radio_waves

I really don't think Laura was screaming. But really, who isn't jealous of billions of dollars? I'd start up an awesome goat rescue.

The Truth
The Truth

murder is defined as the killing of another human being.  That doesn't matter, however, to a vegetarian zealot. 

korg250
korg250

murder also means "to kill intentionally and with premeditation".

meganrascal
meganrascal

Zealot origin:  a member of an ancient Jewish sect in Judea in the first century who fought to the death against the Romans and who killed or persecuted Jews who collaborated with the Romans.Now means: a fervent and even militant proponent of something.

Words evolve. You should try it.

Gina Guillotine
Gina Guillotine

Omnis brought crazy to the potluck over at CNN.com, too, when this whole matter was mentioned.

As for the nerd in question, I'd much rather see him raise the animal, then kill it, then gut it, and butcher it himself and THEN see how he feels about the process.  My guess is he'd wonder about the benefits of vegetarianism, and start to ponder how, perhaps, eating animals really isn't the way to go afterall.

One can dream...

Anonymous
Anonymous

My chocolate was made by slaves in Africa. I want to be more "honest" about where my chocolate comes from.

I declare from this day fourth I will only eat chocolate made by slaves on my personal plantation. People should know where their food comes from!

Anonymous
Anonymous

So totally sick of people saying meat is murder. it isn't and it won't be no matter how many idiots you get to repeat it. If it is, then is a Lion a Murderer?

laura
laura

Yes we also don't have the voracity, razor sharp teeth, powerful leg muscles or velocity equivalant to that of a lion. Humans do not use their bare hands (or legs), to physically catch their meals. When you sit down for a meal you didn't run around the African Sahara at 35 mph to bite your meal in the ass and eat it raw. You most likely walked to the superchain food market to pick up a chicken that was given antibiotics before being killed and then machine processed.

lion
lion

I do Laura.

Marji
Marji

Appeal to nature fail.

Joe
Joe

So what happens when vegans realize that agriculture (Before big farms, by the way. At a time when there were lots of small farms.) is responsible for the devastation of more ecologies on earth than any other human activity? Yeah, worse than hunting and killing animals for food. 

Do they stop eating veggies? Nah, they continue worshipping at the vegetable altar. Because veganism is mainly a religion. 

OnyxE
OnyxE

Is veganism is a religion a lot of diverse believers were vegetarians including Charles Darwin "Thereis no fundamental difference between man and the higher animals in their mentalfaculties.… The lower animals, like man, manifestly feel pleasure and pain,happiness, and misery."

Dr.  Albert Schweitzer   "Wemust fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat the animals. Animals suffer as much as we do.  True humanity does not allow us toimpose such sufferings on them.  It is our duty to make the whole worldrecognize it.  Until we extend our circle of compassion to all livingthings, humanity will not find peace.  ~Albert Schweitzer, ThePhilosophy of CivilizationMahatma Gandhi   ""Thegreatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way itsanimals are treated."    

 

"I hold that the more helpless acreature, the more entitled it is to protection by man from the cruelty of man"...

Maybe then veganism is the religion that could both bring us all together and get rid of the cruel streak humans have such a penchant for. 

Amy C.
Amy C.

Are you not aware that factory farms take up more land than farms? Did you know that most of the land that grows vegetables and grain are used to feed the animals on these factory farms? Factory farms are consuming much more food than what they ultimately produce in meat: Up to 16lbs of grain to produce 1lb of edible meat.

Do your homework before making stupid judgements about people who are doing their best to make the smallest change they can to make this world a little better.

Kendall
Kendall

Right on, vegans! No animals such as insects or rodents ever die or lose their natural habitat when vegetables are grown. And of course, picking a vegetable (ripping the flesh from a living being) is so totally different from eating a animal (also a living being).

Vegans: not a part of the animal kingdom, simply the all-powerful judges and protectors of it.

Jay
Jay

Um, yeah, totally different given that plants don't have nerve endings, aren't sentient, and don't have an amygdala (or any other brain structures, for that matter).

Kendall
Kendall

Why are we so sure that plants don't feel anything? Maybe we as animals just don't know how to study them or empathize with them. We humans and all living creatures have DNA and in my view are all connected. Seems pretty arrogant to me to assume that we know everything there is to know about plants and what vegans consider to be less animals (insects and rodents). 

If you think nothing has to die for you to be alive, then you are either ignorant or arrogant or you simply have unreasonable guilt about being a part of this crazy journey called life on earth. 

Kendall
Kendall

Right on. There are all sorts of reasons to eat and/or not eat meat/certain vegetables. Most people don't feel the need to call someone the "ultimate rich bitch nerd" for choosing to eat less meat. In fact, I can't believe Zuckerberg isn't being commended for completely abandoning the factory meat system and becoming an almost vegetarian.

In fact, in most other cities and countries in the world, people don't feel the need to tell people that they are amoral or an otherwise bad/ignorant/uncaring (i.e. a murderer) based upon their dietary choices. 

MD
MD

Unless you eat exclusively "grass fed" beef (and even then, I'm not so sure), cows are actually mostly fed corn (mixed with animal-based additives, antibiotics, plastic pellets, etc.). So by eating meat, one contributes to the same problems that arise when eating a vegetarian diet in addition to the ones inherent in the meat production itself (labor issues, environmental costs, etc.).

Alicat
Alicat

Plants don't have brains, Einstein.  Brains are what control pain and fear,  And you wonder why vegans are superior?

Kendall
Kendall

When I eat part of a cow or other ruminant, I'm consuming something that ate grass, which requires no human intervention to grow. When I eat an ear of corn or other vegetable, I consume something that displaced thousands or millions of rodents and insects and most likely required an immigrant to pick (even organic/vegan farms use those). 

Keep being righteous, vegans. You may be species-ists and uncaring of the human cost of your food, but take solace in knowing you are more intelligent and holy than every other society on the planet, which have been omnivorous for millennia.

meganrascal
meganrascal

Have to second Ludditerobot, you kill a shit-ton more plants from an animal based diet. If you want to stop plant suffering, you'll stop eating animals.

Ludditerobot
Ludditerobot

Oh sweet, the Plants Rights activists chime in. Always my favorite part of Defensive Omnivore Argumentation-for-its-own-sake Trolling. You should start using "The Harvest is the Holocaust!" as the rallying cry. It's somehow simultaneously offensive, meaningless, and wrong, so you'll probably dig it.

I assume you've already considered the fact that animals eat, um, plants, so when you come down on the side of killing animals for food, you're dealing your BFFs in the plant world a double death sentence.

Nebraskalaska
Nebraskalaska

are you being serious? No. This is satire. I'm sure of it.

Good joke!

Chickenopottamus
Chickenopottamus

wow, rabid screaming vegan bitch says random condemnatory things about omnivorous billionaire.  Low on material?

CptSludge
CptSludge

It's always so very telling that meat/vegan "discussions" bring out hostile sexism. The two topics are linked at the hip.

facebook-1214735689
facebook-1214735689

It totally explains why we haven't seen Tom from MySpace in a while too. 

Lindalinda
Lindalinda

the man that passes the sentence should swing the blade

radio_waves
radio_waves

Yes, I agree. Like, ok, good that you care. But you know what is a way more logical, easier and healthier way to do it, that is, oh yeah, probably way better for the animals too? Not killing. Not killing rules. I'm not mad, but don't expect me to be impressed.

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