10 Reasons You Can't Be a Professional Chef (Even if You Make Really, Really Good Lasagna)
|Dude, have you ever thought that maybe like, inside each drop of gravy there's a whole other world, like a little gravy Earth with little gravy people, and then they're pouring gravy into a dish? Fuuuuuck.|
8. You're not great in high pressure situations. Remember how stressed you got setting up the taco bar for your birthday party? That doesn't begin to compare to the hellfire of working the line in a busy restaurant. People go from being atheists to believing in God and back again in the course of one shift.
9. You've written one too many Yelp reviews. You may have forgotten when you said that garnish was a little "overwrought" but the Restaurant Gods have not. They're gonna fuck you hard for that one, kiddo.
And, even if you should manage to hack it on the line, remember this:
10. You will never be a famous chef. You know how you roll your eyes at yowling freaks on American Idol who think they're gonna become rich and famous because they can do karaoke? Guess what? They've got more chances to escape anonymity than you do working in a kitchen. Here's a thousand carrots. Chop 'em all. Now chop a thousand more. Repeat until you die.