Cute Roulette, Outlawing Battery Cages, and Vegan Waffle Parties

Categories: Week in Vegan

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SFoodie's roundup of tips, news, and rants from the week in animal-free eats.

Introducing Cute Roulette! It's Chat Roulette, but instead of some guy's wang-dang-doodle, you see an adorable kitten. I call bullshit!

CNN's coverage of those jerks bashing in calves' heads with pickaxes is outstanding. Love that Jane Velez Mitchell. Is she single? Because if so, I'd like to introduce her to a really rich man who will pamper the shit out of her. What? She's out and proud? Okay, send that really rich man who will pamper the shit out her my way!

• Are you in Oregon, or know someone who is? Well then, help with the campaign to outlaw battery cages! Also, don't go into the woods around there, because pretty much every serial killer in recorded history is from the woods of Oregon. The more you know.

• CNN is continuing to bring it with the animal and food safety coverage, as they delve into these scary-as-shit proposed laws to make filming in factory farms and slaughterhouses illegal. Mark Bittman (who regularly visits S.F., apparently! Mark, what's up? Don't hate, let me take you digging for vegetables or some shit! ) has an interesting piece up about it, as well. Read and grow angry about how futile it is to care about anything because the government will just come along and fuck it up. With that, I'm off to the DMV!

• San Francisco Mayor Ed Lee is opposed to the proposed shark fin ban even though he has no real power and nobody really gives a shit what he says. WELCOME TO MY LIFE, ED! Well, since Mayor Lee has opinions, I might as well share mine and they are this: I think exactly what Francis Lam at Salon thinks. He says everything I wanted to say, but with less pizazz and more facts. I wonder if he's rich and single? And most importantly: we need to stop fucking with sharks. These are motherfucking SHARKS we're talking about, they should rule all our asses. The oceans aren't even for us! Like the woods are for bears and serial killers, the ocean is for sharks--and we just need to stay the fuck away! And yet, because of our insatiable gluttony and greed, we continue our psychotic strip mining of the oceans. It's all so fucking awful, I don't know how people get out of bed in the morning. Oh, that's right, we have to go ruin everything. Up and at 'em!

• There are Vegan Waffle Parties in Miami!? Bienvenidos a TEN POUNDS ON MY ASS I'M MOVING THERE!

• CNN just can't stop! If it's trying to seduce me, it's working. I'm into filthy rich, faceless behemoths who just mansplain things to me all night looooong. Okay, that just got too real. Anyway, my Main Conglomerate has some excellent coverage of the World Wide Vegan Bakesales that are happening all over the country. Read all about the sexy vegans who are making it happen and then go buy a million cakes. Ever calorie you eat for charity goes straight to your ass, which is the hottest place to hold your weight. Well, tied with ankles.

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