For Valentine's Day, Consider These Bad News Bears

Carina Ost

Sling ready: Citizen Cake's Be Mine Bears.

​Think your valentine wants a cuddly stuffed bear this year? Think again. (What, are you in fourth grade?) Anyone past the age of acquiring secondary sex characteristics wants something naughtier than kiddie toys for V-Day. One option: the unbelievably awesome Be Mine Bears at Citizen Cake. The female bear is in lingerie and sports another animal part ... the camel toe. As for males, one comes in undies with a heart-on, the other mimics real live bears in SOMA, complete with leather harness. One word: Hot! Plus this is Citizen Cake, so you know they're delicious.

The adorable drunk gummy.

​If you've got a DIY bent, how about making drunk gummy bears? These babies will show your valentine beyond the shadow of a doubt that you care, and that you know how to class up Jell-O shots. For complete instructions, see this eHow article. Basically, you put gummy bears in a bowl with vodka (we recommend Pinky, since it's the color of the season), cover, and refrigerate overnight. The bears soak up the vodka, and you soak up some very special attention from a tipsy valentine.

A recap: To get stuffed this V-Day, stay away from stuffed teddys, and explore instead the darker side of bears.