We Think Humphry Slocombe Could Learn a Thing or Two from Jasper Slobrushe

Jake Godby.

​While we applaud Humphry Slocombe proprietor Jake Godby's antagonism-via-meat approach to handling vegan hecklers, we reckon the ice cream impresario could de-fat his reaction to one Jasper Slobrushe ― the Twitter-crazed persona charged with aping Slocombe's general vibe. In her two-week-old New York Times article profiling Godby and his operation, Elizabeth Weil met the 28-year-old dude behind Slobrushe at a downtown bar to discuss motive. He didn't reveal much besides a major hobby ― the upkeep of 15 Twitter accounts ― but if he's having a lark failing to muck up Slocombe's swagger, Godby and his crew were not amused. As Weil described, they were "furious."

"Furious" seems a little harsh.

twitter.com/jasperslobrushe

Parody? Slobrushe flavors sound superdelicious to us.

​Ever heard the proverb, "If you can't beat them, join them"? Godby should heed the advice. If making empirically tasty treats, not "challenging" devotees, is actually Godby's game, we think he should steal a few ideas from Jasper Slobrushe. Nutella and More Nutella? If Slobrushe means chocolate-and-hazelnut spread in mass quantities, he might be on to something. Sounds quite tame actually. Ditto for Crunchberries. Beef Curtains? Bring it on (though we hope he'd source from responsible, environmentally sensitive suppliers). Swine Flu? We ain't scurred. Pee Wee-in-the-Theater? Can't fuck with that. Love Pee Wee, and think he'd taste like an amalgam of cotton candy, tequila, and magic mushrooms. Killer.