Unicorn Meat Might Be Scrumptious, But It's Left a Bad Taste in Big Pork's Mouth

Categories: Doggy Bag

So sparkly!
Our favorite morsel from the Web.

Today at Grist, Bonnie Azab Powell considers the legal heat the National Pork Board is bringing against the website ThinkGeek for canned unicorn meat.

That's right: unicorn meat.

Back on April Fool's Day, the smartassy site offered readers a fake ad for the sparkly delicacy, "Radiant Farms Canned Unicorn Meat" ― which, by the way, Pork Board, in case you're reading, doesn't actually exist. Only ThinkGeek also expropriated the Pork Board's decades'-old tagline, the Other White Meat, for its Spam-like spoof, which it called the new white meat. Now, Big Pork has sent ThinkGeek a 12-page cease-and-desist order.

​Even the Washington Post seems amused, but Powell isn't exactly laughing. "What's not funny about this episode is that farmers are footing the bill for the Pork Board lawyers' waste of time," she writes. Sure. But whether or not ThinkGeek has to back off, there's brilliance in the sendup:
As the unicorn ages, its meat becomes fatty and marbled and the living bone in the horn loses density in a process much like osteoporosis. The horn's outer layer of keratin begins to develop a flavor very similar to candied almonds. Blending the crushed unicorn horn into the meat adds delightful, crispy flavor notes in each bite. We are confident you will find a world of bewilderment in every mouthful of scrumptious unicorn meat.

Follow us on Twitter: @SFoodie. Contact me at John.Birdsall@SFWeekly.com

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