Doggy Bag: How Drunks Could Make It All Better in 2010

Modern Drunkard

​Our favorite morsel from the blogs.

New Year's resolutions might be the most useless custom since, well, going around a Thanksgiving table mumbling what you're thankful for. With 2009 little more than a desk drawer full of scribbled-up giant calendar pages we didn't have the heart to throw away, we turn to the online edition of Modern Drunkard for guidance in the New Year. Editor Frank Kelly Rich offers an unusual, bourbon-soaked roster of stimulus prescriptions. With shaky hands, Rich pins his hopes on the seriously fucked up.

His argument:

Historically, drunks have always held high the torch of hope where others fell into despair and whimpered for mercy. Sometimes it meant setting things on fire with that torch, but that was just to wake those gloomy bastards up. Yes, it is plain we must march (or stagger, if we're really stimulated) forth and inspire the country with our natural confidence and cheer. We must be liquored-up Churchills defiantly winging empty bottles at the encroaching darkness; we must be rum-emboldened John Paul Joneses informing the bouncers of doom that while they may well have us in a masterful headlock, we have not yet begun to fight.

The specifics? Allow drinking on the job, force bars to stay open 24/7 ― read the entire argument here. If you're like us, it'll make you resolve one thing in 2010: Getting drunk more often.

That's a resolution we're pretty sure we can keep.