Top Five Caffeinated Things That Actually Shouldn't Be


If you're anything like us you didn't sleep last night or the night before or the night before that. And are right now at this moment lasciviously eyeing your new co-worker's sugar-free Red Bull in the mini-fridge across from your desk, waiting for the right time to pounce.

In a perfect world you could reach for something as accessible as your lip balm and still feel the sweet, sweet rush of the bitter, white crystalline xanthine alkaloid, otherwise known as caffeine.

Well, you may not be asleep right now, but that perfect world is closer than you think, because caffeinated lip balm is a product that actually exists as strange as that may seem. Other unlikely caffeinated contenders:

5. Sunflower seeds

sumseeds.jpg

So you're in the dugout. And it's the bottom of the ninth and zzzzzz ... Not a problem if you've got these bad boys.

4. Cookies

aa46_buzzstrong_coffee_cookies.jpg

You're familiar with pot brownies no? Well welcome to caffeinated cookies. Pass them out at your next meeting and laugh as people become more and more, eh hem, alert.


3. The "Wake-Up" Bloody Mary

gotoImage.jpg

We discovered this at our neighborhood brunch place and found out it came from something called the "Pure Genius Caffeinated Bloody Mary Mix." Mixing uppers with downers doesn't sound too genius to us.

2. Lip-balm

Picture 9.png

Almost as weird a phenomenon as bacon-flavored lip balm. We're wondering: Is it you looking for the "pick-me-up" or the person you're locking lips with? See also caffeinated breathspray.


1. Water

If you're already drinking coffee like it's water, why not drink water, like it's well, water.

Water38-2T.jpg

Go ahead, indulge; sleep is for the weak.


My Voice Nation Help
0 comments
Sort: Newest | Oldest

Now Trending

From the Vault

 

©2014 SF Weekly, LP, All rights reserved.
Loading...