The Shakes: Come on, S.F., Isn't It Time to Demand Booze-Spiked Milkshakes?

ktdub./Flickr

The Guinness-spiked Shakin' Jesse (with a plate of Your Own Private Eyedaho) at Rudy's Can't Fail.

​Our freshman year of college, we saw a friend make an ill-advised choice involving a funnel and a 32-ounce bottle of premixed Mudslide. Consumed in large quantities with the intent of intoxication, the combination of alcohol and dairy is dangerous, even when a seasoned drinker is tipping back the jug. If he or she manages to get drunk before stomach and intestines violently rebel, it will not be an ebullient, sparkling, let's-hit-the-streets-and-love-the-world kind of drunk; no, it'll be a lazy, bloated, sinking-into-the-couch state of inebriation from which friends and lovers will glean no slight smirking amusement.

Alcohol and dairy as dessert -- well, that's a different matter altogether, something celebratory, quirky, and whimsical. Brooklyn Bowl in the Williamsburg neighborhood of Brooklyn, N.Y., is a Blue Ribbon-curated BW3s plus pins for the neighborhood's (literally) well-heeled bowlers and semi-ironic sports fans. Its bourbon shakes -- according to Bloomberg, "not too thick...a hint of Nutella with a sweet whiskey sting" -- are 13 bones, pricier than cocktails at Beretta. If you like your sweets spiked, we have similar concoctions closer to home: Sauce's Guinness milkshake (with white chocolate and cream), Rudy's Can't Fail Café's Shakin' Jesse (chocolate ice cream, Guinness, and espresso), and, of course, all sorts of revolving boozy flavors at Humphry Slocombe. So long as you have just one.