Golden Star Tea: Just Like Champagne, But Without All the Remorse

Victorcab via Flickr
This just might save you from going home with your ex
We remember attending a party years ago at which a guest pulled us aside and muttered, "What do they have here for the alcoholics?" Inquiries were made. The answer was water. Not even the fizzy kind. And perhaps said guest would have been witnessed pouring half a bottle of wine into a Styrofoam cup later in the evening before woozily disembarking, regardless of beverage options, but still: What with guests who have complicated relationships to alcohol, and guests who are going through laborious and elaborate cleanses that you absolutely do not want to hear the details of, and guests who just aren't in the mood to get tipsy because their ex is there and they're worried that they'll accidentally wind up going home to engage in Guitar Hero followed by sloppy sex, it's good to be prepared.

Which is why we're pleased that San Francisco has delivered up at least one solution, in the form of Golden Star Tea. It looks like champagne. It tastes like champagne (the fermentation process involves champagne yeast.) It even costs as much as champagne, so your non-boozing guests won't feel all low-status. (Clarification: it's as expensive as the bad stuff. Compared to the good stuff it's a bargain.) Rigorous testing recently conducted under highly scientific conditions have shown it to be delicious with Indian food. And it's made by locals, so one can feel all smug and carbon-neutral for supporting the region's jasmine silver needle carbonated tea economy. I know. It's a particularly Bay Area kind of smug, and doesn't come easily at first. But it starts to feel natural after awhile.

Find Golden Star Tea at Whole Foods and other stores, and on restaurant bev menus.

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