Cutting-Edge Chronicle Breaks Story Of Revolutionary New "Spork" Utensil


The Chronicle scores a big win in the you're-fucking-kidding-me-right? department today with their "news" about this crazy new eating utensil called -- wait for it -- the "spork" (their quotes, not mine).

Yes folks, under the headline "What's New," writer Lynne Char Bennett informs us that the spork is, in fact, a spoon combined with a fork. But wait! There's more! If you buy one of these magical devices, you'll "never worry about having to use disposable plastic forks or spoons again." Whew, what a relief!

Oh wait. Apparently sporks aren't so new after all. Besides being ubiquitous in school cafeteria lunches and KFC meals since time memoriam, they've also been mass-maufactured since at least the late 1800s.

Who says newspapers aren't relevant anymore?

-- Brian Bernbaum

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