Rusty Blazenhoff

Fight Club and Burning Man come from the same place. Where flash mobs and poetic terrorism come from. Yes, a place inside of you. But The San Francisco Cacophony Society had a lot to do with putting that together for you. This is their book. This is their... unauthorized release party?

Enter Chicken John. Outspoken proponent for and enabler of the City of Art And Innovation, Chicken sent out an email to his large list of followers about a show on Friday, May 31st at the Castro Theatre. If you're not on his list, I suggest you sign up for it now, before reading about how he champions the weird creative underground of Bay Area artists with long, hilarious pleas for you to become the person you've always wanted to be. There aren't many people like Chicken, nor are there many people worthy enough to follow (in what was largely a performance art project he ran against Gavin Newsom for mayor, under the campaign "Nuisance '07", and garnered about 12,000 votes). Naturally, he's involved with The San Francisco Cacophony Society.

Here's an excerpt from his email:

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Take a stance with your single self -- get Gutzy and get laid.

As with so many modern innovations (butt-plugs, cellphones, Google glass) we're excited (and terrified) by the implications of Arizona entrepreneur Kari Holt's new Gutzy brand.

Gutzy, "meet-me" wear -- a clothing line for women and men -- is designed to broadcast your single status, letting other romantically untethered people know that you're available ... and most importantly, approachable.

According to statisticbrain.com, there are 54 million, sad-sack, single people in the United States and seemingly not many people can get their shit together enough to couple up, even if only for the night.

With Gutzy, you no longer have to wonder if someone is free and fuckable. Forget the bar, the grocery store, yoga class, or even dating sites -- now you can live your life silently emanating throbbing levels of date-me pheromones with a tricky little t-shirt (tank or "active wear" also available) emblazoned with a pink or white "g."

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We'd be more competitive if the contest focused on "worst restrooms"

Cintas, an Ohio-based corporation that specializes in bathroom supplies, is hosting its annual Bowl Game contest, honoring the very best restroom in the nation. Know the best place to go when you gotta go?

As a city of over-achievers, we'll settle for nothing less than no. 1; we've already received the dubious honors of being America's sluttiest city and the city with the most sugar daddies per capita. But this time we're aiming high, attempting to take the title as the city with the most appealing place to pee and poop.

See also:
San Francisco's Best Public Restrooms: Expert Weighs In
Scott Wiener Bathroom Photo: Law Prof Calls Blogger's Account "Public Confession"

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And there are those who have no other choice but to wait

SeekingArrangement.com, that pseudo-scientific conductor of sexy and creepy studies is at it again. Previously, the dating company deemed San Francisco the nation's sugar daddy capital. Now, the sex researchers over there have determined that S.F. women aren't that sexually experienced after all. In fact, according to its most recent study, 1 out of every 10 San Francisco women are still virgins.

Seeking Arrangement, a dating service that pairs sugar daddies with sugar babies, surveyed 5,498 of their local female members about their virginity, and learned that compared to the national average, San Francisco women tend to wait longer before having sex.

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By Katie Tandy

In the wake of the latest Lord of the Rings movie -- The Hobbit -- which was largely lambasted (isn't the book always better?) a LOTR Ball was held this past Saturday.

Its revelers did not disappoint.

See Also: How Much of The Hobbit Can You Read During the Running Time of The Hobbit?

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It's about 5 p.m. on Sunday, January 20. The 49ers just secured a place in the Superbowl, but I'm not out celebrating, because I'm locked in a room with 11 strangers. Inside the room is a desk, a couch, art, and some random furniture. There are two doors, and both of them are locked. One with a padlock, and the other with a regular door knob. We have one hour to escape.

See Also: Black Friday: SF Weekly Takes Masochism to a New Level, Spends 24 Hours at Walmart

Columnist Anna Pulley Flies Through the Air with the Greatest of ... Fear, but She Beats It

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The famous shower scene from Psycho

With any job, there are always those coworkers that seem a little bit off. Perhaps it's the gal who sends you a chastising e-mail for your "improper use of mailing labels," or the guy who beats the vending machine when his Doritos get stuck. Despite the crazy-making habits of most professions, it turns out that some jobs are far more likely to attract psychopaths than others.

See also:

How to Navigate Crazy Co-workers Online

Chrome Extension Debunks Your Relatives' Crazy E-Mails

Facebook Drama-Avoidance Tips for the Recently Dumped

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Matt Saincome

Malcolm J. Brenner, with his book, Wet Goddess

Malcolm J. Brenner, the controversial author of Wet Goddess, the autobiographical novel of a young man's love affair with a dolphin, relaxes on a computer chair inside a San Francisco apartment, gently stroking one of the two cats occupying the room with us. His red sweater is wiry and frayed, like the hairs on his balding head. He's 40 years older than he was when he drove to a near-abandoned Florida amusement park with the intent to "make love" with a dolphin he had been photographing for nine months.

See also: You can have sex with a horse in more states than you can get gay married
The Sweet Spot: The Truth Behind Puppy Play

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The cast of TLC's Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

We knew that so-called "trashy" Southern TV shows like Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and Bayou Billionaires have found their way into America's hearts and homes, but we stopped short of thinking that the genre would also find its way into their pants.

Alas. The world surprises us. According to the entertainment website TMZ, Game Link, an adult website that specializes in the "hillbilly/redneck" genre (there's a website for everyone!), there has been a "250 percent increase in Southern, white-trashy porn titles since 2010 ... when the redneck reality shows began to take off."

See also:

What Your Holiday Needs: Eccentric Southerners Obsessed with Elvis + Pretty Lights

Artist Makes Honey Boo Boo Child Portrait Out of Trash

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My older brother Jim once summed up the holiday season thusly: "Christmas is overrated, but the lights sure are pretty." I couldn't agree more, and however any of us feel about the Christmastime -- I'm not a big fan, personally -- odds are we enjoy looking at the lights. In more recent years, we've all seen the YouTube videos of houses with elaborate lights timed to a song. Didja know there's one that's timed to "Gangnam Style?" Of course there is.

See Also:

The Fabulously Gay Liberace Entertained -- Unironically -- in 1954 Christmas TV Episode

Things That Really Exist: Marlo Thomas in a Second-Rate 1977 Version of It's a Wonderful Life

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